


Mångata

by ellekim94



Series: Sun and Moon [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dysfunctional Family, HyuckNoRenMin!Friendship, M/M, Multi, YuTaeJohnIl!Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 38,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellekim94/pseuds/ellekim94
Summary: Just because Donghyuck spent most of his life with those people he shared his last name with didn’t mean they knew him any better than these people who he knew for less than a day and just because Taeil chose not to spend his most important years with the people he planned of spending it with didn’t mean none of them did something that was important. Some found new dreams and new passions, some found a different reason to live, and some found family.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Lee Jeno & Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Moon Taeil, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil
Series: Sun and Moon [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796563
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	Mångata

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, Taeil! I know I’m a week late from June 14, 2020, and there’s no excuse but I only thought of writing this fic when I was still in the middle of writing Donghyuck’s birthday fic and that was late, too. At least it’s still June. Anyway, this is a birthday gift to Taeil. I have never had this much drive to write two long fics with little interval but these two wonderful people had inspired me. I hope more people appreciate Taeil. I personally feel he’s so under appreciated for his talent and humor and just how amazing he is as a person and that’s why I love Donghyuck for always hyping him and loving him.
> 
> I thought since the first part is mostly Taeil centric, I will write a second part that will be mostly Donghyuck centric. Again, this is most definitely not a light, fluffy story. I put the angst tag there for a reason.
> 
> I didn’t realize the story will be this long when I was writing it. I feel like I enjoyed writing some parts too much. I probably didn’t proofread this enough because I just wanted to post it knowing how late it was as a birthday present already so I’ll appreciate if you can overlook minor mistakes.
> 
> Do enjoy reading.

It wasn’t Donghyuck’s first time to have a bleeding head, nor did he think it would be his last. That’s why despite Dr. Hwang’s instruction to stay for at least half an hour more at the clinic and constant reminder that he should take care of himself more because wounds on head were critical, he couldn’t bring himself _not_ to tune out. And the moment the doctor removed him from her sight, he got up of bed and got out of there.

He honestly didn’t want his own head to bleed. Who would want that? But his mind pricked at the memory of what happened and his feet hurried because he wanted to make sure Jaemin was alright.

He was stepping out of the building when he saw the student assistant at the clinic with _a friend._ Or that’s what Donghyuck’s initial thought when he saw whoever was with Taeil has his arm around the student assistant. However, on closer look, Donghyuck knew that kind of touch. He’d seen that somewhere else and he knew it wasn’t that from a friend. He watched Taeil’s tense shoulders, trying to look around them if people were noticing his discomfort over what was happening, and his hushed voice as he talked.

If he hadn’t seen Taeil stood up to Prof. Kim even though it still fell short with a professor that was stuck with how the world was thirty years ago, Donghyuck wouldn’t have looked twice at Taeil obviously being bullied. He didn’t look the part but then and again, how do people who get bullied looked like? Do they all have to be a little shorter than everyone else? Do they all have to be student assistants working part time at university clinics?

Donghyuck stayed a little, his feet itching to go to where he thought Jaemin would probably still be at, and watched as Taeil pulled several bills from his wallet and gave it to the other guy. Then, the other guy simply left, waving off like he didn’t literally extort money from another student at university grounds. Not that it was something unusual but the way Taeil stood there and looked at the other guy’s retreating figure was the unusual one. He didn’t seem mad. If anything, he just looked… sad.

He looked at the student assistant’s back for a second more and then, walked the opposite direction. It wasn’t something he had anything to do with.

“Hyuck! Are you okay?” Jaemin ran to him, looking _more_ miserable than the person whose head was bleeding an hour ago and whose head was in bandages now. His own shirt was crumpled and dirtied, his blue hair coming out in all directions, and he looked nowhere like the heir to one of the biggest technology companies in the city.

“You looked worse than me, Jaem,” Donghyuck answered as he sat at the ground, his back leaned against the wall of the university warehouse where they always parked their bikes. It was far from the buildings and filled with old furniture and equipment. He would understand if Jaemin was no longer there but he still was.

Jaemin was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry,” he suddenly said.

Donghyuck glanced at him before looking away again and saying, “It wasn’t your fault.”

The other looked even more miserable when Donghyuck said that. He sat beside Donghyuck, putting his hands together, and pulling at his fingers. He explained quietly, “I told them I don’t want to do chemical engineering anymore. I don’t want to be an engineer.”

“And forcing _you_ to come with them will somehow make you _want_ to be an engineer?”

Jaemin smiled sadly. “They thought you _are_ the bad influence,” he said, looking at his joined hands. “They didn’t know I only managed to stay this long because of you.”

Donghyuck stared at him for a moment before saying, “Don’t say things like that, idiot. It’s weird.”

The blue haired laughed but it sounded like he was being choked instead, his eyes closing when he threw his head back, a usual movement when someone was laughing so hard but it could also be when someone was trying to hold tears back.

They stayed in silence, sitting at an old warehouse with their bikes a few feet away, for quite some time before Donghyuck stood up and looked down at Jaemin’s head in between his knees. “Where are you going now?” he asked, and if that only meant for tonight _or_ some time substantially longer, he didn’t feel the need to specify it.

Jaemin moved his head but didn’t look at Donghyuck. “I don’t know.”

Donghyuck nodded. “Renjun needs extra hand at his job,” he said but he was already walking towards his bike.

The other stood up, too, and even if there was no question and he didn’t answer, it was clear where he was going _at least_ that night when he followed Donghyuck to where his bike was, beside Donghyuck’s which engine was already warming up, and they both rode out of the university that afternoon.

Before, Jaemin would only ride in between classes because after that, their family driver would pick him up. He didn’t even tell his family he bought a bike and has been riding with his friends. Whenever they plan to go somewhere, any of his friends but mostly Donghyuck because they live close would come and pick him up, go to the warehouse to get his _own_ bike, and then ride on his own to wherever they plan to go.

It was his first time leaving the university on his own and it was a little colder.

Donghyuck looked at his side mirror, wondering if Jaemin was fine. He couldn’t see the blue haired’s face because of the helmet but he could see his grip on the bike’s handlebar, firm and steady, much like how his bike was moving. He turned his focus on the road ahead again, figuring Jaemin would definitely be fine.

Renjun and Jeno’s surprise was understandable when they saw Donghyuck pulling over in front of the store Renjun was working _with_ Jaemin. It wasn’t every time Renjun needed help at his job but whenever it would happen, it was always only Jeno and Donghyuck coming. Because extra cash was always welcome to Jeno and because extra time away from home was always welcome to Donghyuck. They would tease Jaemin about it but no one was truly holding it against the blue haired who, despite all their circumstances considered, seemed to be the poorest when it comes to having time of his own.

It was a nice surprise though. Renjun’s grin was to his ears as he ran towards the two who just arrived while Jeno was also smiling walking just behind Renjun.

“Hey, I didn’t know there will come a day when the _great_ Jaemin will need money!” Renjun was joking, approaching the two. But then, he noticed Donghyuck’s bandaged head and Jaemin’s dirty clothes. “What the hell happened?” he demanded.

“You should have called us if _we’_ re fighting,” Jeno said, sounding honestly disappointed. “I didn’t know there’s a fight schedule before working for Renjun today.”

“It’s not a joke, guys,” Donghyuck stated, sighing.

“Well, what happened?” Renjun pressed on.

“I might be getting disowned,” Jaemin said with a grimace.

“You won’t get disowned,” Jeno answered, shrugging.

“Why not?” Jaemin wanted to know because _he_ did not know _that._

“Because you’re an only child,” Jeno explained, as if this was the most obvious thing. “Your family _needs_ you to continue their business or something. Donghyuck here,” he continued, putting an arm on Donghyuck’s shoulder, “has a greater chance of getting disowned _yet_ even he isn’t. You’re safe.”

“That’s not exactly the best reason _not_ to disown your child, Jeno,” Renjun remarked, rolling his eyes.

“It’s not,” he agreed, “but it’s one and right now, Jaemin needs one because he’s worried about it.”

Renjun and Donghyuck looked from Jeno to Jaemin who, upon closer look, looked worried just as Jeno said. He might not look like it but Jeno could _be_ the most sensitive person among them. Jaemin was not like Donghyuck who raised his middle finger to his family a lot earlier or Jeno who lost them or Renjun who didn’t have anyone in the beginning.

They couldn’t even imagine what must be going through Jaemin’s mind right now. He was probably scared of a lot of things but he chose to be there with them because right now, they might be the safest place he could think of. He must be wondering what would happen to him in the future. The future was a _lot_ to think about and it wasn’t for the faint hearted. It has a lot of variables he probably hadn’t thought before especially now that the biggest variable he was taught to consider ever since he was born was something _he_ just raised a middle finger to.

“Thanks, Jen,” Jaemin whispered.

“Please don’t cry here,” Renjun begged, putting both his hands together. “ _We_ will eat later after we finish everything. I’ll treat you guys. You can cry then.”

Jaemin had a light chuckle, and Donghyuck noticed that was a completely different laugh from the one he saw him with earlier. It didn’t look complete but it looked a little exasperated, a bit confused, and more honest. He threw his arms at the three and beamed. It was difficult _not_ to feel okay when there were people reminding him that even if there were things that were not okay with his life at the moment, they were there and they will still be.

“ _O-_ kay,” Renjun declared after a while, ruffling Jaemin’s blue hair a little when he heard a small sniff. “Let’s finish quickly and then, we’ll eat.”

“Are you really treating?” Jeno asked Renjun when the four of them were waking back to the store. “Didn’t you like, ask us to help because you need the extra money?”

“Shut up, Jeno. I am not _that_ poor,” Renjun retorted.

“What are we going to eat then? I want steak since you are not _that_ poor,” Jeno stated.

“How about I chop your body so we can _eat_ your steak?”

The way how Renjun said that, sounding extremely serious and offhanded at the same time, like he was talking about watering some plants or similar menial tasks, and the way Jeno’s face drained off color at the mere suggestion even though Renjun would probably lose when he fights Jeno one-on-one and Jeno _knows_ that but he still got scared had Jaemin almost rolling on the floor laughing.

“He’s the one who almost got disowned today,” Donghyuck said to Jeno and Renjun who stopped bickering to look, moving his head at Jaemin who was holding his stomach because he was laughing too hard.

“But they’re so funny!” Jaemin said, laughing hysterically.

Jaemin might be the only one still laughing when they entered the store and saw the number of boxes they have to move and unload, removing their jackets because they knew it was going to be a long night before they could have that free dinner Renjun promised, but the three of them had small smiles on their faces, too.

After they were done moving the most boxes they had seen in their entire lives, sweat was dripping from their faces and bodies despite the autumn weather. The boxes were heavy but for some reason, they felt strangely light, feeling extremely satisfied at the result of their hard work _and_ teamwork.

Renjun kept his promise but it wasn’t steak, or Jeno.

They had _budae jjigae_ at their usual restaurant about twenty minutes ride from where Renjun was working. The distance was quite irrelevant because they all have their bikes and they could literally go to another city for dinner if they choose it. However, it was their favorite restaurant. It was actually a little closer from the university where Donghyuck and Jaemin were going and the two often eat there together when they could.

Renjun had said he would _only_ be paying for the stew when Donghyuck began ordering _rabokki_ but he still paid for everything even though Donghyuck was already pulling his wallet when it was time to pay.

“You already paid for last time,” he muttered after he quickly placed gave his own money.

“That wasn’t a debt,” Donghyuck reasoned.

“I know _that_ ,” the blonde said, rolling his eyes. “ _That’s_ why I’m paying this time.”

Renjun and Donghyuck were having a staring contest about the matter that should have already ended when their meal was paid but the former wanted to tell the other that he should teach himself to accept as well while the latter was adamant in his belief that he wasn’t in this friendship because he was expecting anything when Jeno just returned from the restroom and Jaemin suddenly spoke up.

“I don’t want to go home.” He was looking down at the empty bowls in front of him, playing with one chopstick.

Jeno looked at Renjun and Donghyuck, as if asking them what happened, but Renjun only shrugged.

“It’s _not_ like I want to runaway,” Jaemin explained, keeping his eyes at the table instead of his friends. “I just don’t want to deal with _it_ tonight. Despite what happened this afternoon, I _like_ tonight. I want to end it today with that.”

They had explained to Jeno and Renjun what happened at the university that afternoon. He simply told, not even his parents, but his parents’ lawyer who was the one looking after him if that meant making sure he attends his classes and not go into any kind of trouble, nothing more and nothing less, that he didn’t want to continue with his current program _which_ was chosen by his parents because he was supposed to take after the company. His family was influential and _has_ resources. Their initial thought was Jaemin was being influenced to think _such_ way.

He was being forced inside a car right after his classes ended. Usually, Jaemin would be picked up after classes by his usual driver, the same one who would drop him off in the morning, to be brought to another class, or somewhere his presence was deemed necessary as the heir to their company. But that afternoon, there were two men who didn’t look like Jaemin’s usual driver who were forcibly taking him inside the car.

Donghyuck stepped in and got his head hit when he was pulling Jaemin away. The fight broke off when a professor saw them. He immediately recognized Donghyuck and pulled him away from Jaemin, going off about _fighting again_ and _why does the university have students like you._

The blue haired told them it wasn’t the first time it happened to him — that he was forcibly taken by unknown men. He wasn’t completely certain and he didn’t have any evidence but he had a feeling they were working for his parents’ lawyer, someone who manipulates everything behind his parents, and they probably wanted to teach him a lesson. It happened before when he told them he wanted to quit violin lessons because he didn’t give _a shit_ about violin. If it was guitar, Jaemin would probably like it but they said guitars were for ordinary people and he was _not_ an ordinary person.

Jeno had asked _how_ they taught him a lesson before for wanting to quit violin but Donghyuck quickly said it didn’t matter and the important thing was Jaemin was fine. The blue-haired had only told him about what they did once, after being _so_ drunk he almost jumped their middle school building because he had felt so dirty, but it was enough for Donghyuck to wonder why parricide could be considered any different from murder even in terms of name of the crime whereas there was no varying terms for abuse or harassment committed by family from those committed by people who were not blood related. He hadn’t talked about it with Jaemin, not when the other had sobered up, not even years later.

He wondered how Jaemin could stay with a family like that but he hadn’t said anything because it wasn’t his call. It wasn’t his call to think if it was wrong or if it was enough.

“My place only has one bed,” Jeno said after a moment.

Jaemin’s face looked up, hopeful, and he was saying, “It’s alright. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“I don’t have extra mattress.”

“I’m fine with blankets.”

“I don’t have television or any kind of shit like that.”

“It’s fine.”

“I —” Jeno was saying again but he was interrupted by Renjun.

“Seriously, are you going to offer your place or what?”

“I’m just saying so he doesn’t expect anything,” Jeno argued.

“I _will_ offer my place but my sisters,” Renjun was beginning to say.

“No, I understand. I can stay at Jeno’s,” Jaemin said, looking at Jeno who was nodding.

“I will offer my place but I don’t have a place,” Donghyuck suddenly said for himself.

The three of them looked at him with that _kind_ of expression until they began standing up to leave. It wasn’t that Donghyuck did _not_ have a place. Actually, out of the four of them, he was probably the one who _has_ the best place but it was not the place he would go to, nor have his friends over. He was mostly riding at night, the tranquility of the moon his company and rest. If he was at the university, he would often fall asleep in class or catch sleep at the library.

Sleep was difficult to find at places he didn’t feel safe.

They were just leaving the restaurant when Donghyuck stopped, causing his friends to stop forcibly as well, Renjun hitting his face to Donghyuck’s back while the other two abruptly stopped so as not to follow Renjun’s unfortunate path.

Taeil was on the _other_ side of the road, leaving what seemed to be a pet shop with a clearer expression than the one Donghyuck last saw him with earlier. He was smiling genuinely, holding both of his backpack’s straps, and almost skipping as he walked away from the place. He wondered what were the chances to see Taeil there, four hours later after he walked to the opposite direction from him, exactly when they were leaving the restaurant which was directly across the pet shop where Taeil came from.

What were the odds?

“What?” Renjun’s hiss took him away from his musing.

Donghyuck didn’t want to make anything out of it because there literally wasn’t anything but these people weren’t his friends for nothing. They immediately saw where he was looking before he could tear his gaze away from Taeil.

“Who’s that?” Jaemin asked, moving his body way past Donghyuck and Renjun to get a closer look.

“No one,” Donghyuck answered, walking out and almost making Jaemin fall forward if Renjun hadn’t caught his arm. “Let’s go.”

“No one?” Renjun was snickering. “Ex?” he turned to Jaemin and Jeno and the three of them decided it was fun to make assumptions of who Taeil was to Donghyuck instead of leaving. “Or the one that got away?”

“Wait, did he hurt you too much that you still can’t forget about him even after all these years?” Jeno suggested, truly looking sympathetic.

“Or were you _the one_ who hurt him?” Jaemin dramatically gasped. “You have _that_ look.”

“I have that — what? Will you guys stop?” Donghyuck glared at them. 

“Who is he then?” Renjun asked again, smirking.

“He’s the one who put this bandage on my head,” he said, sighing. “Happy? Besides, if he’s _anything_ like what you guys are thinking, shouldn’t you have known him?” Donghyuck shook his head.

“Oh, he’s the doctor at our university?” Jaemin inquired, curious.

“No,” Donghyuck said again, _another_ sigh. “He’s a student assistant. Why do you have to make a big deal out of it?”

“Because you looked quite smitten with him,” Jeno simply said, climbing his bike and putting on his helmet on. That guy looked the most brute among the four of them but Donghyuck could always count on him to be susceptible to people’s emotions. _However,_ that was a wrong way to put Donghyuck’s feelings at the moment.

He just met Taeil. He _barely_ knew the guy.

Fortunately, Jaemin and Renjun, who were the ones who tend to exaggerate things were still looking at Taeil who were just turning the corner before walking to their bikes and didn’t hear what Jeno said.

It’s _too_ early for Donghyuck to be comfortable though.

“Is he single?” Renjun asked when they caught up with Jeno and Donghyuck.

“ _What?_ ”

“He’s cute,” Renjun continued.

“ _What_ are you saying?”

“That you could _maybe_ look cute with that guy,” Jaemin offered, smirking. “I mean, _you_ are scary and all, but he _is_ cute and it’d probably work.”

Donghyuck took a deep breath before putting on his helmet and saying, “Are you guys _naturally_ this much of a pain or do you _try?_ ” Then, he started the engine of his bike already.

Renjun and Jaemin were laughing at him and _even though_ Jeno wasn’t exactly joining them, what Jeno said was probably what bothered him the most. However, Donghyuck couldn’t quite bring himself to step on the gas and leave those three _idiots_ behind. He looked at Jeno trying to tell Jaemin not to go faster than him that he always tend to do when they ride together because he might get lost. Renjun was telling Jaemin not to go home if he didn’t feel safe there anymore and Jaemin said he would stay at Renjun’s place next time.

How he got to know them wasn’t exactly ideal no matter how he looked back at it but when Donghyuck watched them, he couldn’t help but look up at the dark canvass of a sky with only a dazzling half crescent and tiny blinking dots around it and felt like someone was watching.

—

Donghyuck met Jaemin way back when they were in middle school. It was a private school meant for the richest of the rich in the city, where they promised the parents that no matter what school _they_ choose for their children in the future, studying there would enable them to get accepted. It didn’t even matter that it was still middle school, not even high school yet.

Lee Donghyuck and Na Jaemin had a lot of similarities. They were both from prominent families, were carrying the names of more than their own in their backs ever since they were born, were expected a lot of great things from, and were basically living dolls since they came to this world. It could be considered that their lives were planned even before their birth, given the elaborate lives they lived since they were children, going to school at two even before they properly learned how to talk, learning multiple languages at five even before they officially started school, being brought to different junctions and conventions as the heir of their family companies they didn’t even understand at exceptionally young ages.

If he thought about it carefully, he probably should _have_ understood Jaemin more given their many commonalities. However, when Donghyuck first met Jaemin, he loathed him to a degree that brought his fists to the other’s body a lot of times. He couldn’t quite put what he hated about him but thinking back, it was probably how Jaemin’s face was always contoured into a perfect and happy face. It was probably how Jaemin was always laughing and joking around like he was on top of the world that Donghyuck, young as he was, couldn’t understand because he _knew_ the other’s situation like the back of his hand.

For it was also his own situation.

Donghyuck’s faction would always pick on Jaemin and Jaemin, despite having a group of his own, would never fight back. He would try to avoid Donghyuck as much as possible and if he couldn’t, he would accept his fate and receive the hits, or the ugly remarks, or whatever it was Donghyuck was in the mood of inflicting to him at the time. It was another reason why Donghyuck didn’t like him at all before. Because he knew Jaemin _could_ fight back. They were pretty much the same level but for some reason, he wasn’t fighting back at all. He would even regard Donghyuck as his friend, talking at him with that easy smile as if the other wasn’t hurting him at all.

Vaguely, thinking back, Donghyuck wondered if the reason Jaemin was like that was he knew Donghyuck was the only who understands his situation and that he truly thought of Donghyuck as his friend from the very beginning.

It was junior year when Jaemin didn’t come to school for a week. Then, when he returned, he looked different. He wouldn’t fight Donghyuck back no matter how the other provoked him and he was still smiling more than Donghyuck liked but something definitely changed.

He was sleeping at the rooftop when he heard someone sniffing. He was about to call out the person for bothering his sleep, throw some punches, when he saw it was Jaemin who didn’t look like he needed more punches for the way he was swerving his feet as he walked towards the edge of the rooftop.

Donghyuck barely made it on time when his eyes widened at the thought of what Jaemin was doing at the edge of the rooftop, or was about to _do_ there, and he scrambled to his feet to catch the other’s wrist, cold sweat trickling from his face even though it was almost the end of autumn. He hastily pulled the other from the edge to the floor as he caught his breath.

He hadn’t let go of Jaemin’s wrist when the other spoke up, hiccuping in between words. “I’m _so_ dirty. I’m so dirty, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck could be called obnoxious by some people but naive hadn’t been a trait he was given a choice to have given his life. He looked at Jaemin who looked pristine in his school uniform, his shoes the newest and most expensive brand, and his hair styled like those of idols, but the other was shaking, and upon looking closer, Donghyuck realized that it was because he was crying.

“Are you _drunk_?” he questioned after a moment, smelling _definitely_ alcohol from Jaemin and letting of the other’s wrist, because even if he understood what could have happened, his young mind at the time wasn’t in the orientation to be talking about such abuse. He had always thought that he had it worse than Jaemin.

It turned out the opposite, or really, it depends of how someone would look at it. Was it better to be shunned, be forced to turn a blind eye on everything, and accept everything the way it was or was it better to be done something that would make them realize that even their body belonged to someone else? Donghyuck didn’t know much but he knew _both_ were not right.

Jaemin laughed even though there were tears from his eyes that Donghyuck wondered if he even had an idea that he was crying, or that it was Donghyuck he was talking to, or that he tried to jump off from their school rooftop. “They can’t expel me,” he chuckled in between hiccups, figuring out that’s what Donghyuck was going to say next, that they would expel him for being drunk in school. “ _You_ know they can’t expel me.”

“They’ll tell your parents though,” Donghyuck pointed out.

“My parents don’t care.”

“They will because they might include it in your records.”

“My parents don’t care.”

“They care because it will affect your perfect image,” Donghyuck sneered, putting his hands behind him and stretching his legs, looking up at the ashen sky.

Jaemin let out a hoarse laugh again, like he was struggling to pull it out of this throat but it was the thing he had been doing all his life and even though it probably hurt, he still wanted to continue doing it. “Some men picked me up on my way to school,” he stated after the laughter dried out of his throat. “I didn’t know where they brought me. I was blindfolded. I heard they were talking about how they could _not_ hurt me, that they couldn’t leave any visible marks.”

He paused, the tears drying out in his cheeks as well. “They humiliated me instead,” Jaemin said, letting out another cracked laugh.

Donghyuck didn’t know why Jaemin told him _everything_ they did to him. He didn’t know why Jaemin spoke up about it or how he even could because after he was finished, Donghyuck wanted to throw up as if that would make him forget everything Jaemin told him. He wanted to shout away the frustration even though he was aware they were at school and classes were still ongoing but at the same time, he felt his throat dry and there were no words that could come out.

He was certain he just heard a crime from the victim himself but what could a fourteen year old possibly do when the people behind it could be the people who lived in the same house as the victim, who had been telling them practically all their lives about their privileges and how they could almost get away with everything. The monsters that could be called _victims_ of parricide was not different than monsters of murder. _Why_ do they deserve a different name?

“I only told them I wanted to quit violin,” Jaemin continued, his left hand gripping tightly his right wrist. “I only told them I wanted to study guitar.”

“I can’t play guitar.” Donghyuck said after a long moment mainly because he didn’t know what _else_ to say.

He knew there were a lot of things already running Jaemin’s mind, conflicting thoughts, even more conflicting emotions, and he didn’t want to add to them anymore by saying he should go to the police and file a complaint. He knew how easily those reports could be manipulated especially if someone has enough money and in the end, it might do more harm than good to Jaemin.

“I know,” the other had answered, looking up at him with a sad smile.

“Want to learn together?”

Jaemin lost his smile, _that_ smile that Donghyuck had always detested because it looked too perfect, it looked too unreal, and simply stared at Donghyuck like he suggested they commit a crime together and not look back. Fourteen year old was a young age and even if they could both agree that their current life was definitely rubbish, it wasn’t enough to throw away the future. He had hoped that Jaemin would at least feel that because for Donghyuck, that’s honestly the only thing that’s keeping him going, the hope the future holds.

It was bad _now._ It wasn’t ideal and it was _nowhere_ pleasant or something to be desired or even something they would want other people. But they were only fourteen now. It could be completely different when they turn nineteen.

That’s what Donghyuck had thought before. Thinking now in the present, it was in all probability _not_ that different but unlike before when Jaemin had to go back home right after the school finished to the people who could do those horrible things to him, he have other places to go to now. It might not have extra bed, or even extra mattress, he could even share it with someone else, but he have places to stay now. That ought to count for something.

Those places, or Jaemin could ride with Donghyuck until the morning which will probably have both of them sleeping at the library until noon.

Donghyuck met Jeno on his last year in middle school, at one of the classrooms he believed was for home economics, when he saw the latter bleeding and Jaemin was the one holding the knife.

He wouldn’t deny it; he seriously thought it was the time when Jaemin finally lost it and stabbed someone. Of course, it wasn’t right but it was something Donghyuck realized he would understand.

It was their final year before high school, which was like the determining factor of where they would go for the rest of their lives, or at least, that’s what they have been told every step of their lives,and the pressure multiplied ten times. He could barely see Jaemin without holding a book, or have earphones on, an audio recording on some advanced university level topic playing instead of music he actually enjoyed listening to.

But still, why _did_ Jaemin stab the transfer student?

“What the hell, Jaemin?” Donghyuck exclaimed, running towards the unknown guy and Jaemin. He noticed he hadn’t seen the guy anywhere in school before. He just assumed that the guy was a transfer student. “Is _that_ blood?” he gestured everywhere in the room.

“No?” Jaemin answered.

“That is _not_ a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.”

“No, I mean —”

“Why is he bleeding? Why is there blood _everywhere_?” Donghyuck was fifteen and even if he learned to fight at such an early age, he had _not_ stabbed anyone. He was definitely not an angel but he preferred fist fights because it was fairer. But then and again, fights were not always fair.

“I _may_ have accidentally poked him with a knife,” _was_ Jaemin’s answer in a tiny voice.

“You _seriously_ stabbed him?” It occurred to Donghyuck that despite initial belief, he actually had not fully believed his first thought. He brought his hands to the other guy’s arm which fortunately, Donghyuck realized was the only part of him that was bleeding even though the room looked worse.

The other guy looked back at him with a calm expression.

“No, no,” Jaemin quickly denied, “ _accidentally_ poked him with a knife.”

“That’s what _I’m_ saying!” Donghyuck yelled, frustration obvious with the veins on his head popping. “ _Why_ would you accidentally poke someone _with_ a knife? He’s bleeding, damn it!” Then, he looked at the other guy and asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” the other guy said, maintaining the same expression.

“You’re bleeding a lot,” Donghyuck told him, as if he couldn’t tell himself.

“Don’t worry. It’s not my blood,” he answered Donghyuck.

He stared for a moment at the stranger who only looked back at him, undisturbed, before he looked back at Jaemin who had already dropped the knife to one of the sinks in the room. Donghyuck stood up and threw a handkerchief to the other guy who caught it and wrapped it on his bleeding arm. Then, he asked, “Who are you?”

Lee Jeno introduced himself which meant simply stating his first name to Donghyuck that obviously wasn’t enough given the amount of blood everywhere in the room.

“Are you also a student here?” Donghyuck asked again. “I haven’t seen you before.”

“No, he’s not, Hyuck,” Jaemin answered for Jeno. “He’s working for the school sometimes if his grandfather can’t come.”

“And there’s blood everywhere _because_?”

“I wanted to cook _samgyetang_ but I don’t know how to kill the chicken. I asked Jeno to help me,” Jaemin stated, going to one of the stoves which _in fact_ has a pot that was boiling that could have smelled great, with ginseng and spices, if not for the amount of _chicken_ blood everywhere in the room. “But the chicken was fast. You should have seen it fly around _even_ without a head, Hyuck. It was scary!”

“And he’s arm is bleeding _because_?”

Jaemin had the audacity to look a little guilty, scratching the back of his head in a sheepish manner. “I _kind of_ ran after the chicken with a knife and had accidentally poked him with it while catching the chicken,” he explained. “It was an accident. I didn’t mean it. I already said sorry to Jeno.”

There were a lot of questions from Jaemin’s explanation — _why was he cooking after classes_ and _where did they even get the chicken_ and _how did he know Jeno_ and _why did he ask for Jeno’s help instead of Donghyuck,_ not that Donghyuck had the faintest idea how to properly kill a chicken to be cooked — but Donghyuck had never accustomed to himself to _poke_ his business into other people’s, or generally things that don’t concern him. He took a deep breath and moved to leave since apparently, there was no crime that happened and they probably have enough hands to clean up the mess they made.

“Wait, Hyuck, have a taste first,” Jaemin ran after him and pulled him back inside the bloodied room.

“I am not going to help you clean up,” Donghyuck declared but _let_ himself be pulled back inside.

Donghyuck learned that Jeno’s grandfather was the gardener at school but those days, his grandfather had become more and more sickly. Falling ill due to old age was not an unusual circumstance but his grandfather didn’t want to burden his grandson and had been forcing himself to go to work until Jeno told him he would work on his stead until he got better. Luckily, as Donghyuck thought, the school had no regard whatsoever on children who were not their students. It wasn’t a question if Jeno was still studying _somewhere,_ they just needed to get their plants trimmed and watered, or they would look for other gardener in place of Jeno’s grandfather, or Jeno himself.

Jeno was a quiet person, someone Donghyuck didn’t realize he needed in his life to balance Jaemin’s somehow unlimited energy. At first, he would come to Jeno for help in some specific tasks that somehow, Jeno knew what to do like for example, changing a bulb, or looking for a specific dish Donghyuck wanted to eat, or in Jaemin’s case, _killinga chicken for samgyetang._ Jeno was also athletic, and had casually told them that he played for his school’s volleyball for nationals since elementary until he was a junior in middle school. He had to quit practices because he began working for his grandfather at the beginning of senior year. Then, before he realized it, Jeno had become a third wheel to his and Jaemin’s duo — which didn’t exactly seem a duo _at all_ since Donghyuck and Jaemin were _not_ exactly friends during class hours, they still had their different cliques, but after class hours, when they were left alone to do their own things, Donghyuck would end up lying at the rooftop, Jaemin was practicing his guitar, and Jeno would be catching up with his schoolwork because he was still indeed studying at a public high school eight blocks away from their school. Sometimes, he would ask some question and Jaemin and Donghyuck would help him.

Somehow, Jeno’s serenity matched with Jaemin’s invasiveness and Donghyuck’s unresponsiveness.

It was freshman year in high school when Jeno’s grandfather didn’t wake up one morning and before Jeno could even process that he was left alone by the only person he considered and treated him family, his grandfather’s eldest daughter, his mother’s older sister, his _aunt_ had thrown him off the streets, claiming the house he lived with his grandfather her own and her family’s. She didn’t want unnecessary baggage such as Jeno and had told him since he was now in high school, he could look after himself. He wasn’t even able to tell them he had not even started high school yet.

Donghyuck and Jaemin found Jeno with a backpack of his few clothes, an old guitar, and an overused volleyball _ball_ at a bus stop near his grandfather’s house, looking onwards with blank eyes, completely devoid of any emotion.

He didn’t even notice the two had sat on either side of him, Jaemin wrapped his arm around him and leaned his head on Jeno’s shoulder, while Donghyuck only sat there in silence but close enough. Close enough that Jeno felt his shoulder against his.

They didn’t know how much time had passed but no one moved until Jeno’s shoulder began shaking, Jaemin’s arm only held him tighter and Donghyuck had placed a tentative hand on his trembling knees, both knowing that sixteen was not the age for Jeno to feel like he was the only one left in the world. Thankfully, they could _at least_ alleviate that feeling.

After some time, Jeno forcefully stopped the tears and wiped his drenched face with the back of his hand. He took a deep breath and keeping his gaze forward, he told them he was grateful for their presence but that it was probably the last time they were going to see him.

Donghyuck and Jaemin exchanged glances before the latter asked, “What are you saying?”

Jeno told them that he didn’t want to quit studying but he had to figure out how to live. He would probably get one or two jobs, find himself a roof above his head — it didn’t matter where or how small — and _live._ He didn’t want this setback to keep him from doing what his grandfather wanted him to do, for working hard to live a better life than they did or than they could offer him when both his grandparents were still living. He slightly trembled again at the thought of his grandfather but he bit his bottom lip, decided and determined that he would not stop, he would not falter, not even when some people were certain he would.

He had his dreams, tightly in his hands, and Jeno was not about to let go. Donghyuck greatly admired him back then because he didn’t know what it was like to have dreams of his own. As far as he could remember, he had only one dream and that was to have his own.

“So this is goodbye,” Jeno continued saying, trying to stand up, but Jaemin pulled him _right back_ where he was sitting, in between Donghyuck and him.

“You’re overthinking it, Jen,” Jaemin said, sighing.

Jeno was just _a little_ offended. “I’m overthinking it?” he grunted.

But Jaemin was not backing off. It was part of their opposite dynamic that Donghyuck had always enjoyed watching transpire if it didn’t require him exerting an extra effort to stand in between. Jeno was quiet, and given the life he had to live until that point when he met them, he was used to doing things alone. He was used to being alone even when he was not anymore. Jaemin, on the other hand, _had_ always been alone, too, despite the people around him, but when he found Donghyuck _and_ Jeno, he realized that he was not anymore and it was something he needed to make Jeno understand now, too.

“Where are you studying now?” Jaemin asked him.

Jeno looked a little confused but said his high school, muttering, “You know that already.”

“Donghyuck and I go to the _same_ school but we don’t talk that much there,” the other told him.

“I know that,” Jeno answered, sighing.

“Yet here we are,” Jaemin continued, reaching for Jeno’s hand to gave it a little squeeze.

Even Donghyuck was just a little moved at how Jaemin said it, at how he put it. Sure, just like Donghyuck, he was still stuck with his family who somehow had their lives planned out until they die for them, and he was still stuck in between _more_ classes they thought were necessary for him to excel in high school that would also make him excel in university, taking a degree they already _also_ thought for him, and he could not do anything about his own time unless Donghyuck was helping him sneak out of his house like that afternoon when they heard that Jeno’s grandfather died and he was kicked out of his house.

They were _sixteen_ , barely of age. They should be thinking about hobbies, or crushes, or school activities, or _what_ degree to take, maybe something they actually like and enjoy but two were thinking of a future they didn’t know if they already hold for themselves years from now and one was thinking of a future he knew _only_ he could hold and do something about.

They were alone but maybe not so much anymore _was_ what Jaemin was saying.

If Jeno had cried again because of what Jaemin said, no one mentioned it anymore.

“You play guitar?” Donghyuck asked after a long moment mainly because he had no idea what to say.

The other groaned in an inaudible answer but somehow the two understood as _yes._

“Great, because _you_ are going to teach _us,_ ” Donghyuck declared, looking victorious even though Jeno had not said yes to teaching them guitar yet. “Jaemin sucks at it.”

“Like you _are_ any better, Donghyuck,” Jaemin scoffed, making a face at him.

“Who needs to learn the chords in alphabetical order?” Donghyuck easily challenged.

“I just have to!” Jaemin retorted, offended. “Well, who doesn’t want to learn without sheet music?”

“How can you even begin without sheet music?” Donghyuck mumbled.

“Stevie Wonder can’t read sheet music,” Jeno offered.

There was a long, sufferable silence, like all three of them were trying to hold their breath before Jaemin broke into a fit of laughter, his entire body shaking because of wanting to laugh too much, too loudly, that his own body couldn’t hold it, while Donghyuck was having a difficult time trying to hold his own laughter, looking the other way away from Jeno and covering his mouth with his hand, but the laughter was too evident to be hidden away, and Jeno was looking from Jaemin and Donghyuck like _what the hell is wrong with these two_ and _did I say something wrong_ and also maybe, _are these my friends_ because he had no idea he just said something that might have made Jaemin and Donghyuck’s day, or even week.

The two of them decided to loan Jeno some money which was more than enough for him to find a place to stay near his high school that honestly was the only thing Jeno wanted but they insisted that it was better for him to hold into it because he might need it while he looked for other jobs in order to pay them back. They didn’t want him to pay them back in all honesty, but Jeno was reluctant in accepting their money if _they_ wouldn’t agree that he would pay them back and they would accept it. They even had to promise that they would get their money from him.

It wasn’t actually that big of a deal for someone like Donghyuck or Jaemin who had daily allowances as high school students enough for a family of four’s weekly living expenses. They had too much money they didn’t know what to do with it but at that time, they couldn’t help but be thankful that they did because they were able to help Jeno with it, too.

Only three years had passed since Jeno was saying goodbye to them, as if he was going a faraway place that they wouldn’t be able to reach him ever again, but it only took two seconds before Jaemin pulled him back again with them. Back then, it was Jaemin who helped Jeno find a new home. Now, Jeno was the one offering Jaemin his home. Again, not much had changed but that still ought to count for something.

Donghyuck clearly understood what Renjun was trying to tell him when the other was going to pay for their dinner that night and he was pulling out his wallet. They did things without expecting any in return but still got back exactly what they gave, sometimes even more.

People sometimes expected too much from others because they would be willing to do that much for them. As he thought back to his friends and how he met them, it was not like that at all. How could he have known he would see Jaemin almost jumping out of the rooftop? How could he have known the unfortunate thing that would befall Jeno right after his grandfather died? It wasn’t like life chooses what age to throw someone in the abyss. They weren’t expecting anything but received regardless and even when they weren’t thinking of giving back, they did because it was something they just have to do.

It didn’t hold a price and it wasn’t a debt.

Donghyuck met Renjun on his first year in high school. It was also around that time when he first bought his own bike, not with the money he was getting from his family, but with the money he earned while following Jeno around his part time jobs whenever extra help was needed. The bike was nowhere near he could buy if he used the money his parents were giving him but he doubted they would allow him to buy a bike when they wanted to keep him on leash as much as they could and it was an unexplainable feeling the moment he got his bike from his hard work. He wouldn’t exchange that for a more expensive bike.

He had been going around the city without any particular destination for a couple of hours before he pulled over somewhere he had no idea where but had a convenience store he was looking for and bought a canned coffee. He didn’t notice but he might have dozed off a little despite the coffee he just drank, as his body was getting itself ready for riding the entire night again instead of going home, his hand on top of his bike even as he slept.

He didn’t doze off enough not to notice when his wallet was being pulled from the breast pocket inside his jacket though. He stirred when the guy was about to run off with his wallet with honestly nothing he cared losing because there were only the cards his parents gave him inside his wallet. However, it still didn’t feel good to be robbed off and he didn’t want to go through the unnecessary questioning from his parents’ lawyer, explaining that he was robbed.

Also, the wallet has some of his own money left and that would feel extremely bad losing.

“Give me back my wallet,” Donghyuck said to the back of the _thief_ who was still only a few feet away from him, standing up from where he was sitting and had dozed off a little outside the convenience store.

The thief had the audacity to pretend that he did not hear Donghyuck or that he did not do anything wrong as he continued walking away, a little faster this time. Donghyuck was not having any of it. He didn’t even care if he has to punch his wallet back through the guy’s face. He walked towards the guy who wasn’t stopping and caught his shoulder.

He noticed the guy was slightly smaller than him. Fighting him would not be a problem if he didn’t turn out to have a knife, a gun, or worst, backup.

The guy froze when he felt Donghyuck’s hand on his shoulder but instead of simply giving it back, because Donghyuck had no patience or time to bring him to the police and would most likely send back a thief to the society once he gave him back his wallet since for him, thieves of wallets were not the worst people he could live with around, he tried to continue walking. Donghyuck was slightly surprised by the guy’s action before he walked after him again and this time, pulled him enough to force him to look at him.

But truthfully, he did not need to look at the guy’s face. There were cameras all over the place. He wondered if the guy even knew that. “Are you actually an idiot?” he couldn’t help asking the guy. “Give it back.” He laid out his other hand in front of the guy while the other was still holding him in place.

He _gave_ it back, his head down but Donghyuck noticed that he was pursing his lips and clenching his hands after. Upon closer look, he realized the guy could be the same age as him. He looked mad after he gave Donghyuck back his wallet but Donghyuck could not care. He was stupid to rob a semi-sleeping person who currently didn’t have issues confronting a thief because that wallet has some of his hard earned money left in a place with multiple security cameras around. If it was anybody else with _more_ time and energy, the guy would spend at least the night in jail if no one bailed him out. Looking at his desperation to steal, there may not be anyone to bail him out though.

Donghyuck let go of the guy but not before saying, “I’m not going to report you but there are security cameras here. You might want to hide for a while. I’m not sure what the police will do if they see you.”

“Are you expecting me to say _thank you_?”

He was more surprised that the guy talked than what the guy said that he turned around to check if it was the same guy who was almost robbed him. It was. Donghyuck hasn’t answered yet when the guy took off.

It was around two weeks later when he was riding again and had stopped at the same area, maybe two blocks away from the exact street where he was almost robbed. He probably should not have brought himself there, given his experience, but Donghyuck was a firm believer that people were the ones making the place bad, not the place itself, and incidentally, he liked the way the houses were always quiet in that particular area, almost like they weren’t part of the city. It was probably why _that guy_ thought it was okay to rob people there even with security cameras. And he probably should not have been surprised when he saw the same guy again.

Donghyuck could have recognized those eyes even in darkness. How angry they were but at the same time, he couldn’t quite pinpoint what else was there, but it was a mixture of sadness and hopefulness, like somehow he knew life was only going to get miserable but at the same time, he had that tiny hope inside him that it wouldn’t. For Donghyuck, he had only known madness.

But that night, he wasn’t stealing and the guy’s eyes were different as he carried around a body of a young girl who looked around seven or eight only. The girl was unconscious and the guy was desperately waving his arm for cars to stop by but there was no car stopping. There weren’t even taxis there.

Donghyuck knew he had no obligation to help. In addition, the guy literally tried to steal from him two weeks ago. But he was carrying an unconscious child and even though Donghyuck was never one to meddle with other people’s business, a person’s life on the line was more than a little leeway to that principle.

He pulled over in front of the guy, pulled down his helmet, and said, “Get on.”

The guy, despite the distress in his face, looked a little alarmed when he realized who was in front of him, but the weight of the girl in his arms was probably more than the shame of accepting help from someone knew he did something wrong. He gently placed the young girl after Donghyuck and climbed himself, supporting the limp weight of the unconscious child.

Donghyuck had never thought he would be needing an extra helmet which was why he never bothered to get another one except his own. He was a little worried though about riding with not only one person behind him without a helmet but two. He wanted to get to the nearest hospital as quickly as possible but he was hesitant to go the fastest he could because they might get arrested for over speeding or non-wearing of helmet before they even got to the hospital.

Thankfully, they made it safely to the hospital without police tailing after them, the guy almost jumping off the bike even before Donghyuck could completely stop, carrying the girl with him to the emergency.

Donghyuck knew he had no further obligation there. He only wanted to make sure that whatever was happening, the child was at least brought to the hospital. However, he couldn’t quite leave easily after they arrived at the hospital without knowing that the girl was okay. There was a part of him that was telling him he already did more than enough but there was also that part that was telling him to stay. He listened to the latter part.

After making sure his bike was safe, he followed inside the emergency room just in time to see the doctor moving around the bed while the guy anxiously followed behind him. It only took around ten minutes, the doctor looked at the girl and ordered laboratory tests after, saying that the girl only fainted because of fatigue. If the tests were all normal, they could already leave. The guy’s shoulder visibly lowered when the doctor said that, he thanked the doctor, and went to the girl’s bedside.

That was Donghyuck’s cue. He knew the young girl was safe and there was nothing more he could have done already. Somehow, he felt awkward for even hanging there that long.

He was stepping out of the emergency when a hand on his arm stopped him.

“Thank you.” Somehow, the guy looked even more awkward than Donghyuck. But that was a better look compared to what he looked like half an hour ago when he was desperately trying to get help taking them to the hospital.

“I didn’t ask you to say thank you.”

The guy looked at him for about a minute before his face broke into a small smile, remembering what he said to Donghyuck the first time they met. He brought his hand to the back of his neck and asked, “Can you please let that go?” Then, he sighed and went on, “I don’t know what came to my mind back then honestly. I don’t,” he stopped, looking around them, “ _steal._ My sister needs medicine and,” he paused, trying to look away, “I didn’t have enough. I got desperate. It was a momentary lapse of judgment and I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck shrugged. “You don’t have to explain to me,” he simply said.

“You didn’t have to help me, too.”

“Should I have _not_?”

“No, no,” the guy quickly said, looking down again. “I owe you one.”

“It’s not a debt,” Donghyuck had said.

“What’s your name?”

“Why do you need it?”

“So I can tell my sister the name of the guy who saved her,” the guy impatiently answered.

He looked at the other guy for a moment before giving up. “Donghyuck.”

“I’m Renjun,” the guy, or _Renjun_ , as he said, gave him name, too.

“What’s your sister’s name?” Donghyuck asked. He didn’t need to say he wanted to remember the name of maybe the only person he was able to save in his life, including himself.

“Nabi,” Renjun told him.

Two days later, Donghyuck was hanging out with Jeno after helping again at the latter’s part time and his eyes widened when he saw a little girl who looked a splitting image of the one he brought to a hospital two nights ago. He stood up in shock while Jeno leaned down to grab the girl in his arms.

“Hyuck, what’s wrong?” Jeno looked at him with a questioning expression.

“Nabi?” Donghyuck asked, aghast.

“No, she’s Nari,” Jeno was correcting him. Then, he turned to fully look at Donghyuck and curiously asked, “Wait, how _did_ you know Nari? I mean, Nabi?”

Just then, Renjun was walking towards them, looking just as astounded as Donghyuck and Jeno. The three of them looked at one another for a long moment, considering what the hell was happening because apparently, Renjun and Jeno have been working together for a while at the place where they both were working part time. Jeno even knew Renjun’s _twin_ younger sisters, Nabi and Nari because oftentimes, Renjun would bring them with him, and have grown fond of them because he had no siblings.

Explaining how Renjun and Donghyuck knew each other turned out to be more complicated.

“You were the _one_ who helped Renjun bring Nabi to the hospital?” Jeno was surprised when Donghyuck said he knew Renjun because of what happened two nights ago.

Donghyuck realized Renjun might have been truly desperate that lead him to decide it was a good idea to steal from someone two weeks ago but if he was working for as long as to give Jeno time to grow fond of his younger siblings, what happened two weeks ago could truly be a momentary lapse of judgment on his part.

Also, it was beyond Donghyuck’s moral compass to call out someone _thief_ in front of his seven year old younger sister, especially if other twin sister was still recovering from fainting and being rushed to the hospital by a stranger.

“Wow, Hyuck, I didn’t know _you_ work part time as a superhero!” Jeno continued, laughing. “Jaemin needs to know this.”

Donghyuck gave Jeno a look that was clearly saying _you better not_ but Jeno was already putting back his phone on his pocket and had already sent a message to Jaemin. That was the beginning of how Jaemin came to know Renjun, excited to know someone who has not one but twin siblings because Jaemin was also an only child.

“Renjun also knows how to play a guitar, Hyuck,” Jeno suddenly said.

Donghyuck could _only_ stare at Jeno.

Renjun looked from Donghyuck and Jeno and nodded. “Why?” he asked.

“He and Jaemin _suck,”_ Jeno had said. “I’ve been trying to teach them for a year! So far, they only know how to play four chords.”

Jaemin wanted to learn guitar, Donghyuck said they could learn together, Jeno knew how to play and tried teaching them, and somehow, Renjun was getting recruited to teach them as well, for their lack of visible progress.

Donghyuck wanted to retort that maybe, Jeno just sucked at teaching but he had more instrusive thoughts. He didn’t know if the universe was playing with him, or them, but somehow, he was sleeping at the rooftop exactly the day Jaemin thought it was a good idea to jump off, he thought Jeno was stabbed by Jaemin but they were only messing the entire room with chicken blood while cooking _samgyetang,_ and he just saved the thief who almost took his wallet’s younger sister because of course, Jeno and Renjun _knew_ each other because of their part time jobs. How Donghyuck had not seen Renjun while helping out Jeno before he tried to take his wallet two weeks ago was beyond him. He knew he could be aloof but Donghyuck would call himself observant and yet, he had no idea that he would be seeing Renjun with Jeno,

He was having a slight migraine thinking about it back then and he was still having a slight migraine thinking how all of those could have been possible. Well, regardless of _how_ it happened, nothing would change that these were the guys who were there when hell was breaking lose for him. _That_ counted.

Besides, he saw Taeil coming out of that _pet shop_ just when they were also leaving the restaurant. How could Donghyuck even question the stars when those starts were the ones that brought him and his friends together and it was the same stars that somehow brought him and Taeil into each other’s lives as well?

Not much has changed since five years ago. It wasn’t much and it would be difficult to try to understand every little thing that happened in his life but for every terrible thing that happened in his life, the stars had also put these people in it. _They_ counted.

—

However, stars could also be messy. It was why chaos and explosion were necessary in the first place to create them. No one knew what the stars holds for them until it happened.

That’s probably why the day after Christmas Eve, instead of Donghyuck’s original plan to spend it with the gang, he found himself staying over Taeil’s place, sitting together on Taeil’s new bed, looking out over the window, until early in the morning, just talking. Talking about Donghyuck’s friends, how he met them, talking about Taeil’s friends, how he reconciled with them, talking about the food Taeil cooked, talking about the books they’ve read, talking about the movies they’ve seen, talking about the pets they had, talking about the people they’ve met, talking about everything under the sun and the moon, talking about the stars.

They didn’t even notice the moon has hidden again in favor of the rising sun until it peaked into Taeil’s unabashed window still without any curtain.

“Are you never going to get a curtain?” Donghyuck asked the other, shielding his eyes with his hand.

Taeil lightly shook his head, his mouth moving into that expression that Donghyuck thought could meant a serious _no_. “I like the sun,” he answered. “It’s like a new beginning. A brand new day.”

Donghyuck watched the light of the sun touch Taeil’s face, and even without moving his hand to touch it, he thought he could feel the warm sunlight on Taeil’s face. Then, Taeil turned to look at him and Donghyuck had to tear his gaze away, looking at the opposite direction instead. The other smiled a little, looking at Donghyuck’s turned away face, and Donghyuck could feel Taeil staring at him for sometime and the feeling of the warm sunlight on his fingertips from Taeil’s face _if_ he reached out his hand to touch it was back.

He wanted to tell Taeil that he liked the moon more because he was the type to fall in love with the moon and everything that was beautifully unreachable.

“I think you’re like the sun, Donghyuck,” Taeil stated after a while.

Donghyuck quickly looked at Taeil’s direction and saw that he was still looking at him with a small smile on his face. He thought a smile added to the sunlight on Taeil’s face was a good combination, if he could only tell Taeil that. But first, he quietly said, “Funny, you _are_ the second person who said that to me.”

Taeil’s smile grew, reaching his eyes and making wrinkles around it. “It must be true then,” he said.

“ _Or_ you are both mistaken,” the other offered even though he was painfully aware that he was wearing that _little sun_ earring, the simplest reminder that _that_ person’s thoughts were still with him. It will probably never leave him and for Donghyuck, it was okay. He needed a reminder that life could fucked him up in mere seconds and he had to fight back in order to live.

He waited for Taeil to ask who the first person was because it was just expected after he said Taeil was the second person to tell him that but Taeil only looked ahead again at the sun that has already risen and Donghyuck wondered what he wanted more, for Taeil to ask him about _her_ or to tell Taeil everything that happened in his life that brought him where he was.

The other had offered an alternative Donghyuck should have said no in the beginning because whatever Taeil was to him, a stranger or a friend, he would take it as long as the other was safe.

Taeil simply wanted to get Donghyuck’s friends sweater and no matter how Donghyuck had told him he didn’t need to, Taeil reasoned he already bought Christmas gifts for his friends, a vintage CD for Taeyong, camera for Youngho, and a shirt of Yuta’s favorite soccer team for Yuta. He said he was buying Christmas gifts for the people he was thankful for that year, something he had never done before because all of his money already _had_ something to go to, sometimes even before he earned it. He said it was only right for him to buy Donghyuck’s friends, too, because they once treated him pancake for breakfast. That was _truly_ the reason Taeil gave Donghyuck.

Pancakes in exchange for sweaters. _Pancakes._

Somehow, Donghyuck had convinced Taeil to get his friends _some_ colors. Initially, Taeil wanted to get them neutral colors, not _black,_ sweaters that have color but just the color he thought they might feel comfortable wearing. Of course, Taeil wanted them to wear the sweaters he would give them and would like to see it on them. But Donghyuck argued that his friends needed change in style and that neutral colors would _not_ be enough. Fortunately for them, the store offered sweater in all colors which meant that he convinced Taeil to get Jaemin a sweater the same color as his hair, electric blue, Jeno the brightest orange color, and Renjun the lightest yellow they could find because according to Donghyuck, Renjun needed the _extra_ light in his life.

“You’re not light enough in Renjun’s life?” Taeil had asked and Donghyuck was not sure if the other was joking or not but he looked awfully serious and focused in picking out between colors.

Donghyuck was about to point out they had already picked out the perfect colors for his friends and Taeil didn’t have to think twice about them anymore. He was already looking forward to seeing his friends reaction when they see the sweaters and knowing they would definitely wear it at least once because they wanted to show Taeil they were grateful for the thought, even though they would also know it was Donghyuck’s idea to get them the colors of the rainbow, probably the colors they hadn’t worn since life threw them lemons at such early ages and they quite grew a hatred on anything colored bright.

He was about to say something when Taeil suddenly moved his hand, holding a similar knitted sweater to his chest like the ones they chose for his friends, but in a different color, a shade of green that reminded Donghyuck of the forest.

“For you.” Taeil simply stated as if it was obvious.

“Taeil, you don’t —” Donghyuck was beginning to say.

“It reminded me of you,” the other explained, like somehow, that would make Donghyuck feel any better for accepting gifts for his friends and _him_ because he knew Taeil’s situation and also, like somehow, _that_ was an alright thing to say. Then, he simply took the knitted sweater again and said, “I think the size is alright. Come on, let’s pay.”

He followed Taeil to the cashier, unable to say anything anymore as Taeil held in his hands _four_ sweaters and paid for them while Donghyuck pulled out his phone and searched _meaning of green knitted sweater_ in Google. He figured he should just ask Taeil what he meant when he said the green knitted sweater reminded him of Donghyuck but searching in Google seemed a safer route.

Donghyuck thought yellow reminding Taeil of him was more understandable because Taeil said he was like the sun, right? But Donghyuck picked yellow for Renjun and it wouldn’t look good if both of them had the same color. They could even be mistaken as a couple and he was sure both him and his friend were not down for that. Could it be the reason why Taeil said the green reminded him of Donghyuck? Actually, he couldn’t understand why he was even overthinking it and so was Google.

Google seemed confused and gave Donghyuck definitions of _cardigan_ and if Google was a person Donghyuck could speak and complain to, he would have said _did I even mention cardigan_ but unfortunately, it wasn’t and he had to change his search to _meaning of green_ instead.

This time, Google gave him several answers and according to Google, _green is the color between blue and yellow in the spectrum._ In his limited interest in art, even Donghyuck knew that. His fingers scrolled up and up, looking for more answers.

_Green is a color pervasive in the natural environment that says renewing, refreshing, and regenerating. It represents balance, growth, learning, and harmony._ Did Taeil meant that? Because Donghyuck was rereading it over and over again and _none_ of the words reminded him of himself.

He was still in deep thoughts about it when Taeil appeared in front of him with four bags in different colors. Donghyuck noticed they match the colors of the sweaters Taeil bought for them.

“You could have just given me mine,” he said, returning his phone to his pocket.

“It’s not fun to give a gift that isn’t wrapped, Donghyuck,” Taeil said, chuckling.

Donghyuck would blame the stars again but he was the one who was holding the bags of sweaters while Taeil anxiously followed behind him to their gang’s refuge. It was an old warehouse on the outskirts of the city that, on the last four years since they have been coming there, hadn’t been touched, demolished, or renovated by its real owner. It was just somewhere he would meet with the other guys when he became too tired riding, or when Jeno didn’t want to go to an empty house, or when Renjun just wanted to take a break, or when Jaemin cooked new recipes he wanted someone to try.

Sometimes, they would even try and play their guitars there, Jaemin and Donghyuck _now_ making substantial progress even though they still only knew four chords. Jaemin realized that he could play a lot of songs with G, Em, C, and D and Donghyuck didn’t need a sheet music every time.

The place already has precisely four sleeping bags inside it now, for those times when they would decide to spend the night there, planned or not, a table because no matter where Jaemin was meeting them, he didn’t want his dishes on the floor, and some chairs that Jeno built with the spare woods all over the warehouse.

The guys were already inside when Donghyuck arrived with a tailing Taeil behind him.

“Taeil!” Jaemin was obviously happy to the unexpected surprise that was Taeil because he bounced to them the moment he saw them and threw his arms to both Donghyuck and Taeil. He honestly looked like a little child when someone he trusts with all his heart appears.

“Let him _breathe_ , Jaem,” Donghyuck was muttering because even he couldn’t breathe at how tight Jaemin’s arms to their necks were. 

Renjun and Jeno might not have crushed Taeil into a hug like Jaemin did but there was no telling that they didn’t like seeing Taeil no matter how unexpected it was, Jeno standing up to give his seat to Taeil while he just stood, leaning back to his bike. Then, Renjun got a plate for Taeil to taste the feast Jaemin brought them for that day.

Taeil was in the middle of complimenting Jaemin’s dishes when Renjun pointed out the bags Donghyuck was carrying when they arrived. A little smug, Donghyuck stood up to give the bags in accordance with their respective owners while telling them, “It’s Taeil’s gift for you guys.”

“Really?” Jeno asked, excitedly ripping the bag open. Then, he was staring at the almost offensive bright _orange_ bag in his hands. He almost didn’t mind the color knowing Taeil got it for them. Granted they knew the guy for just a little over four months but he liked Taeil as more than the person who saved Donghyuck’s life multiple times. He didn’t look down on them like most people would. Even today when he came to their place, he didn’t bat an eye at the location. He greeted them as anyone would stepping into a normal house.

Donghyuck was having a hard time keeping his body still when his friends opened the bags to reveal the colored sweaters Taeil bought for them. Renjun looked at the insulting yellow piece as if he was deciding whose sister he should give it to. Jeno was staring at the orange one as if his eyes just got burned because it was too bright. The most positive reaction was Jaemin who stood up and pressed the sweater to his shoulder, going on about how Taeil got _his_ hair color correct.

“I hope you guys like it,” the one who gave it quietly said, looking a little disheartened. “But if you guys don’t like the colors, we can exchange it. The store says exchanges can be done within a week from day of purchase. I’ll give you the receipt and —”

“I like it,” Renjun suddenly said, unyielding to the piece of yellow fabric in his hands. He was explaining something he shouldn’t and Renjun didn’t like it. He might not have worn yellow for as long as he could remember. He might not _like_ the color at all, if he was going to be honest. But he liked Taeil and he actually felt elated that Taeil thought of them.

“Oh, good.” Taeil’s expression brightened. “Donghyuck helped me choose colors.”

It was that moment when Renjun and Jeno walked towards Donghyuck, Jeno put an arm on Donghyuck’s neck while Renjun shot him daggers. Donghyuck would have died if looks could kill. “Well, what color is Donghyuck’s sweater?” Jeno asked, letting go of the other’s neck when he was beginning to catch his breath.

Donghyuck took _his_ out of the bag and showed it to everyone. If anything, his friends seemed contented enough that his wasn’t also black or navy blue or _any_ color they usually wear. It was also from the rainbow and they seemed satisfied enough about it.

For some reason, Jaemin convinced everyone to try the rainbow sweaters. He said so they could see if they fit, or if they need to exchange them for the _size_ because according to him Donghyuck and Jeno have put on little weight while Renjun just kept getting smaller. It was almost funny how he could mask his insults for concern but they all put on the colorful sweaters nonetheless that in the contrast of the background, an old warehouse with nothing but spare woods and metals, maybe dead rats, four big bikes, and empty plates and cups, looked totally out of place, like the irony of life itself.

Colors against the darkness.

It was definitely the comfort of the sweater that made the four of them kept wearing it even after they knew they all fitted perfectly. Snowflakes were falling from the sky, not that much but enough to envelop everything that was within seeing distance into a whiteness that brought back the world into its original clean state. At least in sight.

“What are you thinking?” Donghyuck asked when he was walking Taeil back into his apartment and the other had fallen into silence. He had wanted to reach Taeil’s place before dark but the others had whined like little children when he said they should leave already. They ended up staying at the warehouse until twilight.

“Nothing, really,” Taeil answered, turning to look at Donghyuck with a smile. “It just felt noiseless, and somehow peaceful, and it’s calming.”

Donghyuck nodded, understandingly. Then, he looked up at the sky where the moon was already shining and silently agreed. They continued to walk to the direction of Taeil’s apartment when he noticed Taeil was shivering at every wind blow _which_ was a lot that night. He wordlessly removed his jacket and put it on Taeil.

Taeil looked at him, surprised. “I’m fine, Donghyuck,” he was saying.

“Take it,” Donghyuck insisted. “You’re cold.”

Taeil looked like he wanted to argue more but Donghyuck didn’t leave room for anymore argument when he began walking again, only stopping after a couple of feet to look back, waiting for Taeil to catch up.

When they arrived at Taeil’s apartment, they had stopped at the bottom of the stairs, Taeil saying that Donghyuck didn’t have to walk him up the stairs. They stood there for several seconds, in calming silence, before Taeil removed Donghyuck’s jacket and handed it back to him.

“Drive safely,” Taeil told him.

“How —” Donghyuck was beginning to ask. He didn’t mention he was going for a ride that night.

“The way you looked at the moon earlier somehow made me feel like the moon is the perfect company for a ride tonight,” the other said, smiling.

Donghyuck didn’t know what to say. The moon was the _perfect_ company.

—

“Did you bring us here to die?” Jeno, the voice of reason, asked.

“Obviously,” Renjun, the voice of chaos, answered even though the question wasn’t for him.

“I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not,” Donghyuck, the reason behind the chaos, muttered.

The three of them were currently hiding behind an old trash bin, barely keeping them hidden actually, but it was dark, the perfect time for criminals to do their thing, and the garbage all over the dumpsite were distractive enough to keep the guys who fortunately hadn’t seen them still clueless about their mere presence at what seemed to be some exchange involving children.

Donghyuck still believed his principle of not meddling into other’s businesses but he chanced on seeing a familiar face from the ones who attached the gang that was trying to recruit him and had caused him landing badly in the hospital instead of dying, thanks to Taeil and his friends, dragging about _twenty_ children into the back of a truck. From the way they looked, none of those children could be above ten, they were about six or seven. They all looked dirty, famished, and incredibly scared. He wouldn’t usually change the course of their direction to follow the truck but he did and his friends had followed him, thinking he just changed his mind of their direction because it wasn’t like they have a destination.

It was fortunate that Jaemin, who could be considered the most chaotic out of the four of them except himself, wasn’t with them. There was a high chance that Jaemin would call the bad guys on their faces for dragging those small boys and girls around, pushing them, and sometimes, hitting them when they wouldn’t move. Except those guys have guns which was why Donghyuck ended up in the hospital before and they have… each other? No matter how much a part of him was trying to tell him that ought to count for something, Donghyuck knew that didn’t count against guns. He’d been there.

They called Jaemin to inform him about their current predicament though, asking him to call the police and sending him pictures as evidence because the police might not believe a blue haired guy in a big motorcycle reporting about _child_ trafficking. They were all well aware of how judgmental some people could be, even the people who were supposed to be protecting everyone.

Late January was _still_ cold and they were hiding behind that old trash bin for about half an hour when suddenly, the guys from the other gang began dispersing, getting into their vans and cars, and the truck which was holding the children inside was also moving. They were far enough from the gang not to be noticed even if Renjun was constantly reminding Donghyuck he still _have_ two younger siblings who still couldn’t take care of themselves without him and Jeno was also reminding him that even if he didn’t have anyone to look after, he would like to make his dreams come true for his grandparents while Donghyuck kept telling them that they would _not_ die, but it was also far enough not to hear anything until nothing was left but dust of the gang in the dumpsite.

Before Donghyuck could call Jaemin and tell him what happened because the situation could be reversed and Jaemin might be called for false reporting, the person he was worried about appeared with someone else behind him on his bike.

“Someone called it out to them,” the blue haired was already saying, all serious which wasn’t usual, but the pictures of the children Donghyuck sent him _ought_ to make anybody serious about what was happening. “Thats why they knew police were coming here. I reported it for fifteen minutes and they’re already moving. There’s definitely someone on the police in their side. But it doesn’t matter. _We_ can still catch them. I already called it to literally all precinct in the city and threatened them that I will release the messages of our tip with the pictures you guys sent if they didn’t move before the morning news tomorrow.”

That was an impressively elaborate plan from Jaemin’s mouth and his friends actually looked at him as if he was a different person. But Jaemin continued, “It was Taeil’s plan.”

Not in any particular order but Donghyuck wanted to do several things to Jaemin. He wanted to ask what the hell was his problem that he decided it would be a good idea for him to bring Taeil with them. He also wanted to ask what came to his mind that he thought even sharing what was happening to Taeil was the best idea. He wanted to know what were Jaemin’s reasons for bringing literally the person who he knew the four of them would unanimously agree they didn’t want to cause any problem into a problem that was as dangerous as they one they currently have. Then, he wanted to strangle Jaemin a little because no matter how much he asked him now, Taeil was standing there in a dumpsite with them, talking about catching a gang that was presumably making business involving children.

Taeil was wearing maroon pants, white turtleneck, and flannel long sleeves under his brown coat. He looked _incredibly_ out of place in the dumpsite with the four of them all in black with big bikes but somehow, he was there. Donghyuck didn’t even try holding his sigh as he looked at the other who was already looking at him.

They looked at each other for a moment before Jaemin spoke again. “We have to follow them though,” he told everyone. “We don’t know when the police will get their shit together. By then, it might be too late if we don’t know where they’ll bring those kids.”

Everyone agreed. Since they were already in this situation, or better yet, since they already put themselves in this situation, the best thing happening was catching the guys behind this hideous business and saving the children. The worst thing was letting them escape only to bring their business somewhere else.

They began moving because they have to move fast if they wanted to catch up with the mob. They were climbing their respective bikes and it wasn’t unusual for Taeil to stand there idly, not knowing where to go, until Jaemin said, “Hyuck, Taeil is riding with you, right?”

Not in any particular order again but Donghyuck wanted to ask a lot of things to Jaemin. Taeil rode with him when they were coming there, right? Why did Jaemin think Taeil was going to ride with Donghyuck now? Not that he would mind but that was besides the point. Also, Jaemin put it as a question but that didn’t leave much option to Donghyuck and he didn’t even ask if Taeil wanted to ride with Donghyuck or Jaemin even though that was a pointless case to bring up because Taeil was already walking to his bike right after Jaemin said what he said.

“You should not get involved with this,” Donghyuck said but he still gave Taeil a helmet as the other climbed behind him. He took a deep breath and pulled his own helmet to his head, slightly tensing when Taeil had put his arms around him. It was different from when he first rode with Taeil. Back then, the other had been confused, he didn’t know what to do, and he didn’t have any idea where to go. But now, Taeil’s mind was probably as clear as a blank sheet of paper because anyone who wasn’t wouldn’t voluntarily bring himself in this mess.

“You know, even if you say that,” Taeil said just before Donghyuck began moving, “I’ll help you anyway.”

Donghyuck didn’t know if he was imagining it but he felt Taeil’s hold on his waist tighten a little, his back almost pressed to Taeil’s chest that he could almost feel the other’s heartbeat. He tried to keep his focus on the road and the truck they were following. It was too late _not_ to get Taeil involved. He’s literally on his back right now but Donghyuck promised himself he wouldn’t let anything happen to Taeil.

They decided to split into two groups. That might not be the brightest situation characters from thriller movies take but even before they could get in action, they needed to make sure they would be alive for it to happen. They couldn’t guarantee that if they were to be caught following the bad guys beforehand the action began. Not that any of them was hoping for any action.

Donghyuck with Taeil was following the truck from a safe distance. Somehow, according to Renjun, they would look least suspicious if there were two of them in one bike and Donghyuck would agree but he couldn’t understand why it had to be Taeil. Then, he figured Taeil didn’t know how to ride their bikes and even if he switched place with someone else, who’s going to ride the bike of the person he switched with? He didn’t know that when his friends found him dying and had no clue what to do, Renjun had almost mindlessly left his bike to support his body in Jaemin’s bike while Jaemin rushed them to the nearest hospital.

Jeno was following close to rush in when needed but not close enough for people to assume they might be a little gang riding together who tipped the police to go after the mob while Renjun and Jaemin were taking a different route, Taeil updating them regularly on the movement of the truck. Actually, the group could not give as much care to the police catching these guys than saving the children but they were also aware than in order to save the children, and more children that could possibly be exploited in the future as well by these people, these guys need to be caught. That’s why they needed to be careful.

It would be a bigger problem if they had decided to cancel the deal altogether, whatever it was, or even to postpone it. The best thing was for them to be caught in the act. Fortunately, like what Donghyuck expected, time was as important to people trafficking children than to anybody. It seemed they only changed the point of business as the cars and the truck pulled over in the middle of an open field, about twenty kilometers from the main road.

There were no houses around and the nearest house Donghyuck remembered seeing was probably still a five minute ride at his top speed. There literally was nowhere to hide themselves or their big bikes. They had to meet with Jaemin and Renjun about a kilometer away from the field in order to keep their bikes hidden. Then, they crawl their way towards the field, stopping only at a safe distance where they could clearly see what was happening even if they still couldn’t hear a thing from that distance.

“What’s our exit strategy?” Jeno asked when they were already in position.

“Our what?” Donghyuck answered.

“Fuck, we’re all going to die,” Renjun mumbled and everyone gave him a _look,_ even Taeil, which was strange because it was almost always Renjun who was doing that to his friends. He took a deep breath and said, “Sorry, I’m just really scared right now.”

Jaemin had already updated the police about the changed location with another tip message, backed up with a couple of pictures. Of course, the mole from the police could in turn tip the mob about the message but Donghyuck doubted that would happen when the children were beginning to be unloaded from the back of the truck. They probably wanted to get it over with, police coming or not. If the police arrived and no one was there, they wouldn’t have a problem. Except of course, their pictures were already sent to the police but without anymore evidence, they could wiggle their way out of the investigation like they had always done in the past.

There was no telling when the police would arrive and even when the children were brought to another group of people, probably the ones buying them, or when a few briefcases were exchanged between groups, presumably a huge sum of money, they couldn’t do anything but standby and watch. They weren’t stupid. They had no chance if they were ever caught.

Their eyes were glued to what was happening in front of them but somehow, in a split of second, a young boy had broke free from his captors and have aimlessly ran away from the mob towards _their_ direction. He was fast, despite the obvious wounds all over his face and body. His shirt was drenched in dirt and blood, making him an anomaly in the whiteness of the field, yet he was real. The snow couldn’t clean something that was being hidden.

There were already guys coming after the boy but in only several more steps, the young boy already saw Donghyuck and his friends as he halted in his feet and almost cried on the spot upon seeing people he thought could help him, could save him.

About three guys with _guns_ were already nearing their position when suddenly, Taeil stood up, ran towards the boy, carried him and ran towards a _different_ direction. He didn’t know what he was thinking. He didn’t know why he did what he did but he knew if those guys came closer, they would surely see what made the boy stopped. They would see _all_ of them. It was probably not the brightest idea to stick together as the five of them did but none of them were detectives or assets or spies or anything that would precisely know what to do when their lives were in danger.

Predictably, the guys who were following the young boy changed paths towards the path where Taeil had ran, missing the location of Donghyuck and the others by a few meters only.

Donghyuck moved to ran after Taeil because damn, that was a _stupid, stupid_ decision and they didn’t even talked about it and Taeil was running alone with three guys with guns following him with a child that was already sold to them and now they knew Taeil saw the exchange and Taeil’s life was in danger.

“Hyuck,” Jeno caught his arm, lightly shaking his head in dead seriousness, before Donghyuck could stand up and bring focus on their location.

He saw the gravity in the weight of Jeno’s stare and forced himself to remain down. “They’re going to catch him, Jen,” he said in equal severity.

Donghyuck was staring back at Jeno’s eyes, both knowing the extremity of the sudden turnaround of events and thinking what was the best thing to do that would bring out all of them alive from this situation when they heard a gunshot from the direction Taeil had ran off. It was _one_ gunshot but no matter how much Jeno tried holding him back, Donghyuck was running to Taeil’s direction.

Then, there was a series of gunshots from all directions and Donghyuck faintly remembered the first time he experienced this was nothing compared to when he was running to Taeil’s direction, not knowing what happened to the other or if the other was still even alive. He realized he preferred the first time he experienced it, without worrying if he would still see a person alive again that was killing him more than a stray bullet in his left shoulder.

He saw Taeil surrounded by several police officers who apparently had already circled the area to keep the suspects on leash even when the exchange of bullets happened and they tried to escape. The young boy he helped escaped from the bad guys was sitting beside him, crying, and Donghyuck hadn’t wanted to approach, afraid of what he might see if not for his desire to know if Taeil was alive getting the better of him.

Taeil looked up at him with a smile — _why is he smiling,_ Donghyuck thought — and stood up, bringing his hand to the head of the crying boy. An officer took the boy and carried him away. Taeil walked towards Donghyuck and explained, “It was a good thing the police arrived in time. I didn’t know where else to run and they almost caught up to us.”

“You could have died, you know.” Donghyuck’s voice stopped Taeil’s feet from moving. He even surprised himself. He didn’t want to sound mad but that’s how it came off. He didn’t know what he could have done if something happened to Taeil because of him. The other shouldn’t even be here. He and Jaemin were going to have a long _talk_ after this was sorted out.

“Why did you do it?” Donghyuck continued, meeting Taeil’s eyes.

Taeil opened his mouth to answer but Renjun, Jeno, and Jaemin came running to them, worried about what happened to Taeil and Donghyuck. Taeil told them he was alright, that the police arrived just in time when the bad guys were about to caught up to him and that young boy. Renjun told them the police suspected them as well but Jaemin showed them his messages. They were questioned a little about Jaemin’s _threat_ involving the media but seeing there were more important things to put their effort to, such as a possible mole in the police that forced a nineteen year old university dropout to make such threat, they were easily let go, too.

Donghyuck walked away, wanting to get on his bike already, wanting to forget any of the events even happened in the first place. He was glad the children were saved. After all, that’s what has brought _them_ in this situation in the first place, his impulse to save those children.

He asked Taeil why he did it but he knew the answer to Taeil’s question perfectly well because it was something Donghyuck would have done, too, if Taeil didn’t do it first. He knew it was to save them even if it meant endangering his own life. There honestly was no logic there, when someone wanted to save someone enough to put their own lives on the line. He couldn’t think of any logic anyway.

He could only think of what he could have done, or what he could have _not_ done again, if the police didn’t arrive on time and Taeil got hurt. Or killed. He wondered why was he always putting other people’s lives, innocent people who were the only light in his dark life, in danger because of him? He wondered why he was always the reason why they were getting hurt.

Donghyuck could still remember her face as clearly as when he would arrive home and she was there, waiting for him, with snacks she prepared herself because she knew all of Donghyuck’s favorites. No matter how busy she was, no matter how much she was carrying herself, no matter what anybody would say, those didn’t matter because for her, her family was more important and that included Donghyuck. He could still remember her face when she would smile at him or talk to him or eat with him or just spend time with him.

Then, he could still remember her face when she died because of Donghyuck.

—

Donghyuck was the youngest in his family. He was born two years later than his older brother, Dongmyung, and nine years later than his older sister, Daeun. They all shared the same blueprint of their lives ever since they were born, having been children of a wealthy family and the heiress and heirs of their parents’ empire and fortune.

He found the way they were trying to make them live troublesome. However, Daeun was always playing with him and Dongmyung. Dongmyung was letting him play with his own toys and sometimes, if Donghyuck cried enough, he would even give his toys to his younger brother. There were a lot of servants in their house because their parents were always out and even if they were home, the servants were looking after their three children. Donghyuck didn’t mind because Daeun and Dongmyung were there. Daeun would often call them her stars, the ones she knew would always look out for her, and Donghyuck had said if he was a star, he’d be the sun so he could look at Daeun better. Daeun agreed with Donghyuck while Dongmyung had snorted back then.

Fven though Dongmyung would always scold him for trying to play without finishing his middle school homework even before he graduate grade school, Dongmyung would cover up for him because he knew their mother would hit him if he found out he played instead of studying and Daeun would help both of them with their homework, promising snacks as soon as they finished even though she was already in high school and had more work. He didn’t like studying that much but he didn’t like Dongmyung being hit instead of him because their mother found out he covered up for Donghyuck.

Donghyuck didn’t like sports but his father wanted them to excel in everything and also, he saw some boys making fun of Dongmyung when they were playing basketball. He was a fourth grader trying to pick a fight with sixth graders. In the end, Dongmyung and Donghyuck ended up behind Daeun who was gritting her teeth when she saw both her brothers covered in mud, threatening kids six years younger than her that if they don’t stop picking on her brothers, their family would sue them and their entire families. Daeun was not the type to use their family’s power any chance she got but Donghyuck could see the veins in his older sister’s clenched hands as she stood up in front of them. She knew everyone in the school was quite influential as well but she would _not_ stand by if her brothers were getting hurt, even if she had to use their family’s name.

Donghyuck didn’t even know if someone could sue sixth graders for pushing another sixth grader and his fourth grader brother back then but she hugged Daeun’s leg tightly from behind proudly, as if he was provoking Dongmyung’s classmates into doing anything to them again.

Albeit soon after, Donghyuck, Dongmyung, _and_ Daeun were scolded for picking a fight with other students in the school, Daeun reasoned to their parents that they were picking on Donghyuck and Dongmyung. She was still grounded for a month because according to their mother, her record should be lucid, no matter what. She was their eldest daughter and it would not do her any good in the future if someone found out she was picking fights with children a lot younger than her.

“But she only protected us!” Donghyuck couldn’t help talking their way out.

“She didn’t have to do that if only Dongmyung does well in the team,” his father firmly said. “That’s why they’re bullying him.”

He was only nine years old when his father told them it was alright to be bullied if they didn’t reach other people’s expectation of something they might not even enjoy doing. He was only nine years old when his father told them they will get bullied if they didn’t live up to other people’s expectation of them. He looked at Dongmyung’s head that was lowered down, accepting at everything his father was saying, but Donghyuck was only nine years old when he realized there was something wrong with that. Dongmyung was getting bullied and Daeun protected them both but for some reason, their parents thought Dongmyung getting bullied was only right and Daeun protecting her younger brothers were wrong. Donghyuck’s nine year old mind couldn’t understand that.

That wasn’t the only time it happened. That wasn’t the only time Donghyuck didn’t understand his own family.

Dongmyung tried his best at everything their parents threw him at that was masked as personal development for Dongmyung’s future. He wasn’t bullied anymore. He became popular in middle school and everyone liked him. Donghyuck, on the other hand, _was_ the one bullying. He didn’t like Jaemin the moment he saw him because he looked like Dongmyung, always smiling and always looking perfect even though he saw Dongmyung’s wallet on his _friends’_ hands.

He confronted Dongmyung about it but he only got a nonchalant stare. He thought about if he should tell their parents about it but perhaps it’s why Dongmyung didn’t even try telling him _not_ to tell their parents about it. Because he also knew they would say if he was letting his classmates do that to him, then he probably deserved it.

Then, Dongmyung came up to him and grabbed his shirt. “Don’t tell noona.” It wasn’t a threat; it was too weak to sound like a threat even though at that time, Donghyuck was just starting to practice threatening people himself. It sounded more like a beg.

He didn’t know he could lose his respect to his older brother like that. Just, all at once.

Daeun just finished university when Donghyuck noticed it. His older sister had always been fond of him and his older brother. Even though they have grown up and they have grown quite distant with each other, she didn’t fail to ask how they were doing individually, or even if they were fighting about something again. She didn’t fail to tell them that they could always come to them if there was something bothering them and she would _always_ be there for them.

She went to a boarding school for university and hadn’t come home except for some school breaks which even those was mostly spent studying as well. She began working at their company right after she graduated. When she came home though, Donghyuck noticed there was something different in her. She seemed distracted a lot of times, even when Donghyuck was rambling about how Jaemin’s mother broke two of Jaemin’s guitars already and they have to buy another one because Jaemin was serious about learning guitar. She would suddenly look at Donghyuck and seemed to be reminded that her younger brother was talking. She would apologize and talk to Donghyuck again.

Then, there were nights when Donghyuck would stand up to get something to eat from the kitchen while looking at YouTube guitar tutorial videos. He would be surprised to see Daeun on the kitchen, too. He asked what she was doing there and she would only smile at him, simply explaining she couldn’t sleep.

What made Donghyuck extremely worried was when he and Dongmyung were leaving for school one morning. Daeun woke up early that morning to cook breakfast for them, a change from the usual breakfast the servants were preparing for Dongmyung to eat and Donghyuck to skip. Dongmyung moved to hug Daeun goodbye after eating which was something they had always done before but that time, Daeun visibly flinched and Donghyuck could tell Dongmyung was as surprised as him, from the way his older brother turned to him to give him a skeptic glance.

Daeun suddenly laughed and hugged both Dongmyung and Donghyuck, telling them to do well at school and that she was looking forward to seeing them that afternoon, too. She even asked what they wanted for dinner because she wanted to cook dinner for them, too. Donghyuck could still remember saying white spaghetti while Dongmyung said anything would do. She was smiling when she waved at them goodbye and Donghyuck tried to forget how scared she looked when Dongmyung tried to hug her.

“Did something happen to noona?” Donghyuck asked his brother when they were already in the car.

Dongmyung didn’t answer.

“Are you even listening to me?” Donghyuck asked again.

“Didn’t our parents always tell us not to meddle with other people’s business?” Dongmyung said.

“I’m talking about noona. She’s not just another person,” Donghyuck answered with disbelief in his eyes. “How can you even say that?”

That ended the discussion there, Dongmyung looking at the window again while Donghyuck told the driver to just drop him right there because he didn’t want to spend another second with Dongmyung. His brother said he was being unreasonable but Donghyuck said he would jump out of the car if they didn’t pull over. In the end, he got out of the car and insisted he would go to school by himself only to be picked up by Jaemin on his way to school as well.

He had been worried about Daeun starting then. In the beginning, it didn’t look as serious but her distractedness turned into distantness, at least for other people besides Donghyuck and Dongmyung. She had always been kind, despite the life she was born into. She didn’t look down on anybody and she would treat everybody normally no matter their age or status. However, she was becoming more and more cold towards other people. Sometimes, she would even scream at their maids.The only people Daeun wasn’t distant to were him and his older brother.

Donghyuck knew he should have seen these signs more. He knew he should have been more sensitive in whatever was going through his older sister. But it was too late when he recognized the signs. It was too late when he realized what was happening.

Even before they could even understand the meaning of these social events where people would basically flaunt the updates on their richest or look for suitable partners for their sons and daughters concealed in a fundraising party, Donghyuck and his siblings had been forced to come to these affairs. It was during the fundraising party Jaemin’s family organized when he noticed his father left their table with Daeun towards another table.

He didn’t even need to look longer when Daeun was uncomfortably standing beside another man who looked even older than his father putting his hand to his sister’s lower back.

Donghyuck stood up, not hearing whatever Dongmyung was saying to him when he did, walked straight towards where his father and Daeun were, and hastily pulled Daeun away. This time, he stood in front of his older sister. He was still the younger brother who was nine years younger than Daeun but he was sixteen, a freshman in high school. He recently brought himself a bike. He had gotten into a lot of trouble at school. But he had saved a young girl, too. He helped brought her to the hospital. What kind of brother was he if he couldn’t save his own sister?

“Donghyuck,” _was_ what his father said to him, authoritative and warning.

“He’s inappropriately touching her,” Donghyuck loudly said.

The _man_ had the nerve to look offended, turning to look at his father as if saying _is that how you raise your son_ and also, _I will no longer invest in your company._ Donghyuck’s father quickly apologized for his son’s rude behavior, trying to appease the older man, and then, looking back at his children. Actually, he only looked at Daeun and Donghyuck knew that look. It was the kind of look that his father had always given them whenever he would remind them who gave them _everything_ and that the only way they could ever repay them was not to be burdens and always do what they said.

“It’s okay, Donghyuck,” Daeun was saying behind him and he could honestly hear the smile in her voice despite _this,_ whatever this was, and it only angered Donghyuck more. She began to step forward again but Donghyuck was not having any of it. He literally just saw her sister getting harassed.

Then, something clicked in Donghyuck’s mind. All those times he saw her sister up so late, telling him she couldn’t sleep when she was holding an empty glass of water, staring into nothing, all those times she flinched whenever Dongmyung would try to hug her or Donghyuck would only even try to get something past her. This had been happening for some time and Donghyuck only recognized it when it happened in front of him despite the signs.

He looked at his father and their eyes met. He was pretty sure that was the time he called enough to him, to this family, especially when he looked back at their table and saw his mother rushing towards them in equal fury that was also in his father’s eyes and Dongmyung was still sitting on the table, looking down, looking _away_ , as if that would make everything disappear, like that would make everything not real.

Donghyuck grabbed Daeun’s hand and dragged her away. He didn’t care if his father was calling after them, he didn’t care if he passed his mother who tried grabbing Daeun away from him and he hastily removed his mother’s grip to her sister’s arm, and he knew Jaemin would _not_ care about this fundraising event as much as knowing he and his sister was alright, too.

He got them inside the car and told the driver to go. The driver asked, “Where?”

“Anywhere but home,” Donghyuck replied.

Daeun was crying and Donghyuck wasn’t certain if it was because of him or everything else. He didn’t know if Daeun was crying because of what happened that night or because of everything that happened before that night. He didn’t want to ask because he didn’t think he was ready to hear any answer he felt he already had an idea about. The ideas were burning his eyes, the images coming to his mind no matter how much he tried not to think about it, the helplessness of his sister in every scenario, and her call for her that he didn’t hear until that night.

Until it was too late.

According to the available data, there were almost four thousand people who are losing their lives in traffic accidents in the country every year. It was a drunk driver. Donghyuck opened his eyes, tasting his own blood at his mouth, and saw Daeun beside him. The window on her side was completely crashed and so was her stomach. It was not just blood, her organs were destroyed, and it was visibly, painfully obvious. She was catching her breath, turning to look at Donghyuck’s side and Donghyuck could see the relief in her eyes when she saw Donghyuck was looking back at her.

She had smiled at him, trying to reach her bloodied hand to touch her younger brother’s face. It was nearly impossible to move with her injury. There were no more tears in her eyes. She was smiling at Donghyuck.

“Thank you,” were his older sister’s last words to him.

She couldn’t touch Donghyuck’s face at the last moment before she closed her eyes.

Faintly, as he stared at his sister’s lifeless body beside him, just before he lost his own consciousness, Donghyuck thought he should have taken Daeun in his bike instead. She would have loved the wind touching her face.

He didn’t know how long he slept but he woke up to Dongmyung’s voice, yelling, “Are you happy now? Why did you have to do that? This would have never happened if you didn’t intervene. This wouldn’t have —,” Dongmyung fell to his knees.

“She —” Dongmyung sobbed. “She would still be alive.”

Donghyuck was staring at his brother, void of emotions. He didn’t even register that Renjun and Jeno were inside the room as well, stopping Dongmyung from stopping the machines that were helping Donghyuck breathe at the moment. He had also lost a lot of blood before help arrived. They were able to save him but Daeun was already gone even before he lost his own consciousness.

“I wish you were never born,” Dongmyung whispered but it was loud enough for Donghyuck to hear it. “I wish it was _you_ instead of her.” He violently removed Jeno and Renjun’s arms that were holding him still and left the room, not closing the door behind him but closing everything he had to do with Donghyuck.

It was funny because Donghyuck felt he had done that a long time ago. He felt like he had given up to this family a long time ago. But the touch of her sister’s hand on his face when he was younger after he fell down again and cried, telling him it was okay with that smile on her face, felt like yesterday. The smile on her sister’s face when she saw he was alright felt like a minute ago.

He stared at the wall and didn’t ask how long has it been. He didn’t think he could even go to her funeral even if it still wasn’t done. Dongmyung had been wrong about a lot of things. It wasn’t right to be bullied because he wasn’t good at something. It wasn’t right to keep a blind eye on the bad things that were happening around him.

But Dongmyung was right that it should have been him. It should have been Donghyuck who died.

They haven’t talked about it for the last three years since Daeun died. His parents would not even mention his older sister’s name, like she never existed in the first place and like nothing like that happened at all. They said it was bad publicity for their family and they would be better off if the world would forget that any of that happened at all. That _his_ sister happened at all. He and Dongmyung had effectively ignored each other’s existence for the last three years, too. He would only see him at home, walk passed him, and proceed to do his business there before he went outside again. Dongmyung would do the same except he was mostly at their house instead of out. His parents couldn’t give a damn about what he was doing now but had told him to finish university at the very least.

He was thankful for the roof their hideout provided him during times like this when he didn’t want to go anywhere. It kept him warm when it was cold. Despite the dirt and overall non-conducive atmosphere for normal living, it was the closest Donghyuck could call a place _home._ But he was also thankful for the people that were part of this hideout.

_Maybe it’s easier to die_

_Than to be forgiven_

After his sister died, he tried to kill himself a lot of times. Riding to his death, pills, knives, everything worked, except these people would _not_ let him go. Every time he could feel the pits of fire opening to him, there was always a hand pulling him back. Jaemin was crying the first time it happened while Renjun was telling him if he truly wanted to die, he should try harder, because they were not letting him go that easily.

His last attempt was before his sister’s first death anniversary. Jeno saw him with some pills again. He walked towards Donghyuck and gave him a knife instead.

“Pierce it through your heart if you _really_ want to die,” the other had said, looking at his eyes. “But if you don’t, and if you think that’s also _not_ what your sister wants for you, stop.” For a second, Jeno looked more tired than Donghyuck was. The other’s eyes softened and he continued, “She said _thank you_ , Hyuck. She didn’t say _I blame you_.”

That was the last time he ever attempted taking his own life.

He thought he had moved on from Daeun’s death. He thought he let go of that feeling that it was better if he was the one who died, that he _should_ have died, but all of that came back when he thought Taeil got hurt, or died, because of him. _Again._

There was nothing Donghyuck could have done for her sister except to live for himself now. Daeun had never lived for herself even until she died, always following whatever her parents told her to do even though sometimes, what they were asking her to do was already something she couldn’t take anymore. Donghyuck could never forgive his parents for doing that to their own daughter, to his own sister, but he wasn’t also not to blame. Dongmyung wasn’t also not to blame. They knew something was wrong but they didn’t do anything about it.

However, Daeun was gone and nothing would bring her back. The anger, the sadness, the pain, and even the guilt Donghyuck was feeling, he would take all of that and live with them. It was the only thing he could do for Daeun now.

But Taeil was different. He was still alive and Donghyuck would not let what happened to Daeun happen to him, too, because of him.

_Please just once_

_If I can see you_

_It’s all right to lose all of my life_

_Meet you in a dream_

“That’s a very depressing song,” Jeno noted, walking towards Donghyuck. “Do you _seriously_ know more than four chords now? I think I’m going to cry.”

Donghyuck scoffed, as if saying _obviously_ and continued strumming.

“Teach me,” the black haired said, pulling his guitar, too.

“Oh, we’re having guitar lessons today?” Jaemin asked excitedly.

“Jeno’s playing a _very_ depressing song,” Jeno informed the newcomers.

“If you’re _that_ depressed, why are you avoiding Taeil?” Renjun asked.

The strumming paused. Donghyuck looked at them and muttered, “I’m not avoiding him.”

“ _Sure,”_ was the simultaneous answer from his three friends.

“And this song does _not_ have anything to do with him,” Donghyuck continued.

He was about to hear another _sure_ from the other two when Jeno asked, looking at Donghyuck’s guitar. “What’s the next chord?”

“Cm, A, and then, B,” the other said. “Seriously, this isn’t even that good, Jen. I haven’t even finished it.”

Of course, no one was listening to Donghyuck’s effort of trying to make this not that big of a deal that his friends were making. “Is this how you do a Cm?” Jaemin was asking, holding his own guitar now.

Renjun guided Jaemin’s fingers into their correct position and said, “How do you still know _only_ four chords after all these years? I feel like I failed as a teacher.” He looked at Donghyuck’s strumming once and was able to get it immediately. “ _Even_ Donghyuck knew more than four chords now.”

“What does that mean?” Donghyuck made a face at Renjun.

Simultaneously, Jaemin said, “I _know_ other chords. I just choose not to play them.”

Renjun only gave Jaemin a condescending look, sighing, strumming along with Donghyuck know.

“Is this right?” Jeno asked, strumming.

Donghyuck looked for a moment and nodded.

“What are the lyrics?” Jaemin asked, strumming slowly.

_I want to love again_

_As we are_

His friends looked at him for a moment, all strumming had stopped except for Donghyuck’s and he looked back at the three. “What?”

“You really need to talk to Taeil,” Jeno said.

“What?” Donghyuck asked, as if that was totally _out_ of the question. “I just told you, I’m not avoiding him, or anything like that.”

“You’re just worried he’d get hurt because of you,” Renjun supplied for him.

“It’s been over a month, Hyuck. We even received _medals_ from the police because of our help,” Jaemin pointed out. “And I already told you I didn’t randomly bring your guy there. He insisted on coming because he wanted to help. And he _did._ That child, or us, could have been in big trouble, if not for him.”

“He’s not my guy,” Donghyuck mumbled.

Jaemin looked exasperatedly at Renjun and Jeno. “How is that the only thing he heard?” he asked in frustration. “That’s not the point, Hyuck!”

“What then?”

“The point is,” Jaemin began. “He wasn’t in that situation because of you. He chose to be in that situation. For who? I don’t know. Maybe you should _stop_ avoiding him and ask.”

Donghyuck didn’t know what to answer Jaemin until Renjun and Jeno began strumming their guitars to the only part they liked to play because they were making fun of Donghyuck. He glared at them and told them to stop playing _only_ that part but they weren’t listening. Soon, Jaemin got the hung of it and joined the two in playing those three chords, those two lines, for about half an hour until Donghyuck gave up and said, “Fine! I get it, okay? Stop playing those goddamn lines already!”

_I want to love again_

_As we are_

_—_

Donghyuck was not a stalker. He definitely was not a stalker.

He just wanted to see first how Taeil was doing even though his friends had been telling him everything about Taeil for the past month he had done nothing but pretend he didn’t want to see or talk to Taeil. He didn’t even know how his friends had been exchanging messages with Taeil more often than necessary after they accidentally helped brought a big gang of child traffickers behind the bars but they somehow were. Also, he didn’t know how to approach Taeil after avoiding him like plague.

Should he tell him he had been busy with university? But he was sure Jaemin was telling him everything about Donghyuck in university, too. Jaemin made a truce with his parents, or actually, his parents’ lawyer who Jaemin was right in thinking that was manipulating everything in his life in the name of his parents and the future of their family’s company. He would not drop the semester because they didn’t want a permanent record like that in Jaemin’s credentials but he would shift the following semester. Which meant Jaemin was still in every class Donghyuck has and none of those made Donghyuck busy.

Or maybe, Donghyuck should tell Taeil the truth. The truth was a lot easier to handle because he didn’t need to make up anything. He just have to tell Taeil that he got scared he would lose him like how he lost his older sister and that he would be the reason of it. He just have to tell Taeil that he didn’t want to lose another important person in his life. Which obviously Taeil had already become because Donghyuck was hiding behind a vending machine, overthinking how he should approach Taeil.

He watched Taeil turn the corner and he stepped out of the vending machine. He had to do this. His friends were right. More than anyone else, he should know how it was like not to talk about the thing that was bothering him. Sadly, he thought about how things could have been different if he talked to Daeun about what was happening to her. The image of his sister’s smiling face made him realize again that doing what he could now was better than thinking about how things could have been.

Donghyuck was about to show himself to Taeil when he saw Taeil was no longer alone. As a matter of fact, there was a familiar figure hanging behind him, an arm weighing on Taeil’s shoulder. And Donghyuck was not someone who would eavesdrop on other people’s conversation but he stopped right around the corner, watching and listening.

“Give me money, _hyung_ ,” Taehyun was saying to Taeil.

Taeil would be lying if he said he didn’t shrink under Taehyun’s hold on him, years of looking after someone who would only hurt him and much less, who didn’t quite appreciate any of what he did for him still affecting his body’s reaction. It would take more time than mere months to completely recover. He doubted if he could even _completely_ recover but that didn’t mean he would be taking any of this again after everything he already did to turn his life around.

“Get your arm off me,” Taeil told him.

Taehyun seemed surprise at his older brother’s response but he lightly chuckled quickly, keeping his arm on Taeil’s shoulder and even tightening it around Taeil’s neck. “You’ve grown balls, haven’t you?” he whispered to Taeil’s ear. “I should say, I’m _proud_ of you.”

“You _don’t_ get to say that to me,” Taeil said, trying to break free from Taehyun but Taehyun would not let him.

“I don’t care what you think,” Taehyun told him. “I don’t care if you run away. I don’t care what you do with your life. I don’t even care if you fucking die, cunt. I wouldn’t miss you. Nobody would.” Taehyun tightened his arm on Taeil’s neck again, continuing, “ _But_ when I ask you for money, you give me fucking money.”

“Why don’t you find yourself a job if you want money?”

“What the fuck did you say?” Taehyun growled.

“Why, are you _too great_ to work?”

“Shut the fuck up, you fucking piece of shit. Just give me money!”

Donghyuck shouldn’t intervene. He knew he shouldn’t intervene and this wasn’t anything like what happened to Daeun. Despite the guilt, he could never find himself regretting he intervened and stood up for his older sister on that fateful night. But Daeun was different from Taeil. He knew Taeil had become stronger. He knew Taeil could _now_ stand up for himself.

Even though he knew that, the moment Taehyun swung his arm, just before his knuckles hit Taeil’s face, Donghyuck was beside Taeil, stopping Taehyun a split second away from breaking his own brother’s jaw.

“Who the fuck are you?” Taehyun barked at Donghyuck.

“Your sunbae,” he answered.

“The fuck?” Taehyun yelled at him. “Stay out of this, asshole!”

Donghyuck knew _him_ stepping in would transfer Taehyun’s focus and anger on him instead of Taeil. He also knew that the second punch Taehyun tried to pull would be directed to his jaw. He didn’t spend years fighting here and there to get punched by someone who have been given everything and still didn’t appreciate anything and that’s strange coming from him. Jaemin would probably laugh at him, at their parallel misfortunes, if he heard Donghyuck said that. But for someone who literally had everything since he was born, for someone who had, what they say, a silver spoon in his mouth, he knew he had better grasp of hard work and appreciation than Taehyun.

He easily dodged Taehyun, catching his arm and using it to push the other against the wall. He knew it wouldn’t do him or Taeil any good if he fights with Taehyun but that didn’t mean he was just going to get his ass beaten. He always found fights he could control without _actually_ fighting most interesting.

Taehyun wriggled in his hold. “Let me go, you bastard!” he was barking.

Donghyuck stared at him and thought he truly looked a lot like Taeil. He wondered how much younger he was than Taeil because they could pass as twins if Taeil was only a little higher like him. It seemed like he was looking at a younger Taeil, but a lot angrier and definitely a lot unreasonable. He let go of him after a few seconds, stepping back and staring at Taehyun as he did.

Then, he was back at Taeil’s side who just looked confused at what just happened in front of him. He was still staring ahead when he felt Donghyuck’s hand on the small of his back, like he was guiding him to move. He found himself doing so, turning his back at Taehyun once again.

“I hope you’re happy now, you son of a bitch!” Taehyun yelled after them.

Taeil stopped which startled Donghyuck a little. He didn’t know what Taehyun wanted from him that was more reasonable than money. He didn’t know if he _even_ wanted to know. For the most part, Taeil could only bring himself to care if he wasn’t doing drugs because him doing drugs would most likely send him to prison and he knew how much it would kill his mother if that happened. Aside from that, there was nothing he wanted to do with Taehyun. There was nothing he wanted to give him anymore, not his money, not his thoughts, _nothing_.

He already made peace with that six months ago when he left their house.

But now, Taehyun was acting as if _he_ was the one who did something wrong. No, Taeil didn’t care about that. He didn’t care about what Taehyun thought of him now. He had years caring and it brought him absolutely nothing. However, Taeil had something to say to Taehyun.

Taeil turned around and with the conviction he didn’t have six months ago, he said to his younger brother. “You made your choice and I made mine. Just because you can’t live with yours doesn’t mean you should blame me for living with mine.”

Donghyuck knew he said to Taehyun but he found himself thinking if maybe, Taeil was also saying it to him as he walked after him, watching the other’s back. It was Taeil’s decision to come with Jaemin. Jaemin already explained that to him more times that he would like to think about. It was Taeil’s decision to show himself so the four or five of them wouldn’t get caught. Donghyuck knew that. It was Taeil’s decision and Donghyuck’s decision after all of that was to avoid him. He suddenly felt stupid.

_So_ stupid he didn’t notice Taeil had stopped walking and he literally walked his face to Taeil’s back.

“Long time no see,” Taeil turned around to face him and said.

Saying Donghyuck was surprised was a huge understatement. He suddenly felt terrified under Taeil’s gaze focused on him. But he forced himself to speak because he didn’t come here to read minds with Taeil. He actually came here to talk to him. “Hi,” was the most intelligent thing he could think of saying.

Taeil looked like he was between _are you kidding me_ and _I’m done._ The second one won and he turned around again, saying, “See you around, Donghyuck.”

“No, wait,” Donghyuck quickly grabbed his hand.

“What?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Donghyuck,” Taeil began after staring at him for a distressing moment for Donghyuck.

“I was avoiding you,” Donghyuck decided it was the right time to just come out with the truth.

“I know that,” Taeil told him, sighing. “It’s very obvious.”

“But you don’t know why,” the other continued, looking at Taeil hopefully. “Will you listen to me?”

Taeil had looked a little surprised but nodded, to Donghyuck’s relief. Part of reconciling with another person, or at least trying to, was half the time, the person didn’t know if the other person would even consider it or hear an explanation. It was probably this crippling thought that disabled many relationships to be repaired. Well, not that every relationship deserved to be repaired.

He walked towards the university’s old warehouse and Taeil followed him. He thought he should choose other place, a better lit place in case Taeil were having thoughts that Donghyuck had become a dangerous person and was planning to do something evil. Fortunately, Taeil was still behind him when they arrived at the warehouse. If he was going to be honest, he chose that place because that was still the safest place he felt at the university and his bike was also there.

Donghyuck explained from the beginning, how his life was as a young boy, his older brother, Dongmyung, and his older sister, Daeun. He told Taeil everything. He didn’t even think it had become possible for him to talk about what happened until that afternoon. All the people who knew about what happened were his family who didn’t want to talk about it and his friends only who knew everything already. He never had to bring it up to someone else. He didn’t even think he could. But he knew he should start from the beginning until the end because he wanted Taeil to understand.

He didn’t want to hurt Taeil in any way. He knew Taeil’s life had not been the happiest, too. But if he _was_ to keep Taeil in his life, much like his friends, he couldn’t keep getting scared that he would do something that might hurt them. He had to try _not_ to and that came with accepting that the other person had decisions, too. It wasn’t all about him.

After he was done explaining, it didn’t feel like a monologue even though he was aware he was the only one talking for at least half an hour because Taeil had been nodding, prodding him to continue on times when it got difficult to. He was listening to every word Donghyuck said and there was even a time when he reached his hand to hold Donghyuck’s when it came to the part that Donghyuck had to share to Taeil about what happened to Daeun.

“I’m sorry,” Taeil whispered, squeezing Donghyuck’s hand.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck mumbled. Even years of feeling that for himself, he didn’t quite know how to respond when another person says that to him.

“But I’m not Daeun, Donghyuck,” Taeil told him, letting go of Donghyuck’s hand.

“I know.”

“You and Dongmyung might still have a chance,” the other said. Taeil knew there must be some line he was stepping but just because he and Taehyun could not repair whatever was left of their relationship anymore didn’t mean Donghyuck should, too.

Donghyuck scoffed, “You don’t know Dongmyung.”

Somehow, just remembering his brother was making his blood boil. Donghyuck’s naivety might have been the reason for the accident but he couldn’t forgive Dongmyung’s lack of sympathy as well, especially when Donghyuck thought he knew something about what’s going on with Daeun and he didn’t do anything about it, something they haven’t talked about for the past three years since Daeun died.

Vaguely, Donghyuck wondered what Daeun thought that he hadn’t spoken with Dongmyung for the last three years. She always got upset whenever he and Dongmyung fought when they were young.

“Listen to me,” Taeil softly said, seeing the dissonance in Donghyuck’s body, clenched hands, furrowed brows, and gritted teeth.

“Why would I?” It came harsher than Donghyuck intended.

Taeil remained there though. “You’re right. You don’t have to listen to me,” he said and there was no bait in his words that Donghyuck could hear. He wasn’t trying to be manipulative in his words. He was saying what he meant. “What you do is your choice but what I say is mine. There might still be a chance.”

“You’re not my brother, Taeil.”

“And you’re also not Taehyun.” Taeil smiled sadly. “ _That’s_ why I know.”

The world would change year after year, month after month, and day after day, but the memory of the people who played a huge part in our lives wouldn’t. Memories wouldn’t change. Maybe that’s why people would always see the people who used to be in their lives to people who just came, often confusing one from the other. Memories were tricky; they wouldn’t change but the people would.

Different person to different people. One that saved him. One that _he_ saved.

“Putting me with your brother,” Donghyuck suddenly said, easing the atmosphere a little. “Do you hate me that much?”

“ _Didn’t_ I say you’re _not_ him?” Taeil asked, confused. “Are we going back with that topic again? How people are different? Do I need to explain again how —”

Donghyuck reached his hand to the other who instantly stopped talking the moment Donghyuck’s hand touched his. He didn’t say anything, partly because he didn’t know what to say and partly because there was a lot he wanted to say, coming up to his mind but not to his mouth.

He chose to let the moment linger in comfortable silence instead.

“I’ll take you home,” he said after a while, letting go of Taeil’s hand and standing up.

“Okay,” Taeil replied, slowly nodding and standing up to follow Donghyuck to his bike.

Donghyuck _did_ take Taeil home after about two hours of riding around the city. It occurred to him that it was only his third time taking Taeil for a ride, each one of those three different from the rest, and he wondered how much a relationship could change in between three motorcycle rides, how much time was even necessary for a relationship to evolve. He didn’t dwell too much about it though because Taeil’s arms were around his waist, the cold was hitting his entire body but strange enough, he felt warm instead.

Somehow, he knew there was no right or wrong formula on it, the moon the perfect company above them while the stars held the answers once again.

This time, he walked Taeil all the way up to the tenth floor, all the way in front of Taeil’s apartment. He stood there waiting for Taeil to unlock the door and when the other did, he told him, “Message me if you need anything.”

“You’re not going to ignore my messages again?” Taeil asked but he was smiling.

“No,” Donghyuck smiled back and shook his head. “Goodnight, Taeil.”

Taeil nodded. Then, he replied, “Drive safely, Donghyuck.”

The door was already closed in his face for several seconds when Donghyuck noticed that he was still smiling. He hoped Taeil was, too.

—

“We should invite Taeil,” Renjun said, picking the last piece of the grilled octopus in front of them.

“We shouldn’t. He’s probably busy,” Donghyuck answered.

“I think we should still _try_ though,” Jeno stated, taking the last shot of soju.

“But we’re done eating. It won’t be polite,” Donghyuck reasoned again.

“That’s why _we_ said let’s invite him even before we got here,” Jaemin complained, sinking on his seat and staring at the pet _clinic_ in front of the restaurant.

They are back at the restaurant in front of the pet clinic where Taeil was working and even before they got there, Donghyuck’s friends had been whining about inviting Taeil and for the entire time, Donghyuck was saying Taeil was probably busy and it wouldn’t be right to call him in the middle of work to have dinner with them without any invitation prior. Jeno told him they were only inviting Taeil for dinner over grilled octopus and soju, not a grand party. But still, Donghyuck had been insisting for the longest time that they shouldn’t bother Taeil while at work.

Actually, he just didn’t want his friends to spend time with Taeil again because they might say something that would end their friendship with him. Okay, Donghyuck was exaggerating there a little. First, deep down in his heart, he knew his friends wouldn’t do or say something that would incriminate him and second, whatever they would say to Taeil about him would probably be true.

Luckily, he managed to dodge every attempt of reason his friends threw him about inviting Taeil until they finished eating. Donghyuck thought they would go back to the hideout after and he could continue living with less than usual anxiety but Jaemin suddenly clapped his hands together, his eyes were twinkling and Donghyuck _just_ knew it wasn’t over yet.

“I have an idea!” Jaemin said, smiling brightly. “Let’s just _go_ to the pet clinic.”

Donghyuck would have easily agreed with how excited the blue haired looked and sounded, like a small boy, if he could not think of approximately one hundred reasons his second visit to the pet clinic _with_ his friends could go wrong.

But before he could even speak, before Donghyuck could even think of reasoning his way out of this again, Renjun was already saying, “Good idea! Then, let’s tell Taeil we _always_ eat here and next time, he should join us. That’d be polite _enough,_ right, Hyuck?”

Donghyuck could already find a lot of things wrong with what Renjun just right then and that’s just something Renjun _said_ in front of Donghyuck and Taeil wasn’t around yet. But before he could even retort, before he could organize his thoughts to somehow try to keep his friends away from the clinic across the street from where they are, approximately ten meters away, Jeno was already standing up, grabbing his coat behind his chair, and looking back at them. “Well, why are you guys waiting for? Come on.”

Donghyuck knew he was strong. He had a lot of fights here and there before. He had a knife in his stomach and a gun bullet in his shoulder. However, he knew how strong his friends also were. He fought alongside them more times than he would admit. He’d probably have the hardest time with Jeno. He could swore that guy’s arms were like bricks and he wasn’t even working out. Well, he’s _working_ , that was. And no matter how sweet Jaemin could look at times, because of that big smile he has, at least when he wasn’t at home and he’s with them, that guy was also ridiculously powerful. Honestly, Donghyuck _knew_ that _that_ time those assholes was able to do something to Jaemin and he, Renjun, and Jeno had to go after those assholes to give them a taste of their own medicine _that_ ended up with him and a knife stab wound, it was only because Jaemin was terribly outnumbered. Not to mention no matter how he looked at Renjun, the guy sure was small in terms of built and could be considered not dangerous but Donghyuck knew Renjun could fight just as hard as he could.

That’s was why no matter how Donghyuck thought about _stopping_ all three of them from walking across that road to the pet clinic _physically,_ he couldn’t think of one ending that would not be embarrassing for him.

He had already resigned himself to fate and to the stars when Jaemin was excitedly following Jeno outside and Renjun was following close. He took a deep breath and sighed, thinking Taeil had already seen his friends when they were looking after him at the hospital. He even had been to a life and death situation with him and his friends. He knew where their hideout was and spent Christmas Day there.

Maybe Donghyuck was overreacting a little. _Nothing could go wrong, right?_ Or at least, that’s what he was telling himself when he followed his friends to where Taeil was working.

The moment Jaemin opened the door of the pet clinic, he went totally crazy upon seeing the puppies lined up inside in colorful cages. He seriously didn’t look like the nineteen year old person that he was. He looked more like nine as he went from cage after cage, trying to make eye contact with the puppies, and proclaiming it proudly when he did.

“He made eye contact with me!” he excitedly said, looking at his friends, and pointing at the small bulldog behind a blue cage.

Donghyuck gave him a look that was like _are you serious,_ Jeno walked over at the receptionist, completely ignoring Jaemin, while Renjun pretended he didn’t knew any of them and went to the other direction of the cats instead in the opposite side of the clinic. That _should_ make someone at least consider what they were doing but no, Jaemin went from the bulldog to the chihuahua on the yellow cage after it and did the same.

Sometimes, people get through life with fortune, wealth, and connections. Some get through life with strength, courage, and a lot of hard work. But _some_ , Donghyuck would like to think there were more, get through life with the extraordinary lack of shame and plain lots load of heart into the littlest things. Strangely, he also thought that wasn’t such a bad way to get through life.

“Excuse me, is Taeil here?” Jeno asked the girl at the reception who looked like she was torn between calling the police on them and staring at Jeno’s face.

Donghyuck wouldn’t blame her though. Jeno has _the_ look. But he’s also wearing all black, had several piercings, and his friends were sporting the same style, one has blue hair, one has blonde, and one was staring at her soul as if saying _tell him Taeil is not here and is not coming here._

The telepathy Donghyuck was trying failed and he completely blamed Jeno’s face because the girl answered, stammering. “He’s not yet here but he’ll be here soon. His duty starts at ten and he usually arrives,” she looked at her watch, “around this time.”

Donghyuck was _honestly_ worried if the girl usually gave that much information about her colleagues to anyone who was asking because that was dangerous. She just gave Taeil’s schedule to them and she didn’t even ask who they were or for what reason they were asking. They could be asking because they wanted to hurt Taeil or they could be asking because they wanted to rob the pet clinic when Taeil was alone. _Those_ things could happen. But he figured he should cut the girl some slack and blamed it on Jeno’s face again instead because the girl was seriously staring at Jeno even when he thanked her and walked off back to him.

Suddenly, the bell on the door chimed, Donghyuck turned around and saw Taeil brushing off snow off this head and his coat, and then, Taeil looked up and met Donghyuck’s eyes. It’s cliche but Donghyuck _could_ swore time stopped for a few seconds there.

Then, the girl on the reception said, “There he is.”

When they could hear the clock on the pet clinic ticking again, Taeil looked around because he noticed Jeno standing behind Donghyuck and spotted Jaemin waving excitedly at him from the dogs side to his left while Renjun was smiling at him from the cats side to his right. He brought his gaze to Donghyuck again, smiling fondly.

“Hi,” Taeil greeted him. There was a hint of amusement in Taeil’s voice but other than that, delight.

“Hi,” Donghyuck replied, smiling back. Then, he immediately frowned and said, “These guys wanted to see _you._ I mean, the clinic.”

Taeil gave him a funny look. “Why would they want to see the clinic?” he asked.

Then, he walked past Donghyuck and asked Jeno who was still standing behind Donghyuck, trying to look at every other direction instead of Donghyuck and Taeil while they were talking. “Why would you want to see the clinic, Jeno?”

“Good question. Why would _we_ want to see the _clinic_?” Jeno repeated the question to Donghyuck’s ear when Taeil went behind the reception.

Donghyuck ignored Jeno for his own peace of mind and watched Taeil talked to the girl who was probably waiting for Taeil to switch places with her albeit giving Jeno one last glance. Then, she and Taeil disappeared for a moment to, as Donghyuck had been there before, the pantry. After about two minutes, Taeil came back wearing his pet clinic uniform which happen to be that day was a pink terno with little green dinosaurs all over. He shouldn’t be staring at Taeil wearing something so close to pajamas but Donghyuck knew he was anyway.

He thought Taeil just looked so comfortable and cozy and maybe a little like how home was supposed to feel.

“Hey, watch it! You’re scaring her!” Jaemin was suddenly exclaiming at Renjun. The two of them had met halfway to the last puppy Jaemin hadn’t made eye contact with, a fluffy samoyed.

“ _Me_ scaring _her_?” Renjun shrieked, offended. “ _You_ have been staring at it for ten minutes! _Who_ ’s scaring the poor thing?”

“Actually, it’s a _him,”_ Taeil offered, walking up to them.

“How sexist of you to assume it’s a her, Jaem,” Renjun scoffed indignantly.

“Says the person who call _him_ an _it_ ,” Jaemin countered, sneeringly. “Do you even know proper pronouns, Injun?”

Donghyuck didn’t know if he should be thankful that after every scary thing he thought could possibly happen with his friends visiting Taeil’s workplace, _this_ was what happened — Jaemin and Renjun arguing because of pronouns used on a samoyed puppy. Donghyuck knew it was terribly important for animals to be called on their proper pronouns, too, but he wondered what were his friends going to do with snails or at least twenty-one families of fish which were natural hermaphrodites?

Then and again, Jaemin and Renjun were still referring to each other with their nicknames. Even though Renjun hated being called Injun, he only ever let his friends call him that and even though nicknames from _people like them_ were prohibited by Jaemin’s family to be called to their heir, Jaemin liked being called Jaem by his friends.

“What’s _his_ name?” Jeno suddenly asked Taeil, used to Jaemin and Renjun’s bickering and used to ignoring them all the time, too.

Taeil looked like he’s been petrified when Jeno asked that. He pointedly avoided their gazes and chuckled awkwardly. “Well,” he began, not quite knowing how to continue and when he looked back at them, they were all staring at him, waiting.

The pet keeper, or pet _clinic_ keeper, sighed and forced it out of his mouth. “Jeno,” Taeil answered, looking all sorts of sorry to the namesake of the samoyed puppy.

There was a complete silence after Taeil said that like they all could not believed what they heard, even Taeil who did not know what came to him that he actually named the puppy like that. Then, Jaemin and Renjun burst out laughing, the latter even holding on to the former because he was laughing so much he could literally roll on the floor laughing. Jeno didn’t look offended, much to Taeil’s relief, but he looked awfully confused. Then, there’s Donghyuck who had a face like _why is the puppy named after Jeno and not me._

Taeil turned the same color as his uniform and quickly explained. “It’s just that _Jeno_ ,” he said, and Jeno looked at him, more confusedly. “I mean, the puppy. Jeno, the puppy,” he clarified.

That just cracked up Renjun and Jaemin even more, hollering around Jeno, their human friend, “Jeno, the puppy! Jeno the puppy!”

“ _Jeno_ came together with three more different puppies and I remembered you guys and I thought you all looked different but somehow you became friends and you all looked cute together and I really like your relationship with each other and even though the puppies were of different breeds they all looked adorable together like _you guys_ when they’re playing and they don’t even look like different breeds anymore like they’re family and they would cry a lot when it’s time to get separated with one another _and so_ I named each puppy after all of you,” Taeil blurted out, catching his breath after he said the last word because he didn’t breathe at all anymore just to let the _truth_ out.

Jaemin stopped making fun of Jeno only to look at Taeil with shining, sparkling eyes, whispering in admiration. “A puppy is named after _me_?” he asked and his voice was incredibly soft and Taeil could swear there were stars in his eyes. “ _Where_?” The way he said that, Jaemin was literally whispering as if he just jumped inside a fairytale story and he was seeing every wonderful thing he could ever think of.

Meanwhile, Donghyuck and Renjun still looked a little bewildered by the idea but had looked in amusement at Taeil being lightly pulled by Jaemin towards the cages.

Taeil stopped in front of a golden retriever puppy in a green cage. It’s fur wasn’t as light as the samoyed puppy. It has a light golden fur instead with little ears and button-like eyes that had Jaemin dying of fondness when the puppy looked at him.

“This little one is _Jaemin_ ,” Taeil told Jaemin, the human, who had both his hands on his heart like they were about to jump out of his chest, smiling. He had thought that they would not like what he did but here, he could practically see the stars had change into hearts in Jaemin’s eyes.

“He reminded me of you because you looked a lot like him when you smile. Like,” Taeil struggled with the words to explain. He honestly didn’t think there would come a time when he would have to explain to the human versions why the puppy versions were named after them. “When you smile, it’s _really, really_ bright, and when you laugh, I get the feeling that you’re the happiest person on the world. _Jaemin_ is also like that. He’s always barking and running around and colliding into the others. His happiness is contagious.”

Taeil didn’t know why. He tried his best finding the best words to explain why Jaemin was named after Jaemin in a way that would not offend anybody but Jaemin with blue hair still looked at him like he was about to cry and Taeil was not sure why.

Jaemin did _not_ cry though although his friends were sure he was close to. His friends knew how often he would laugh or smile without meaning it but Taeil had not seen him on those times yet. Every moment Taeil had seen him, ever laugh and smile Jaemin did, they were all true, and for some reason, Taeil was saying his laugh and smile could make other people happy, too. At least, that’s how it came to Jaemin.

“Thank you,” Jaemin sincerely said to Taeil.

“I didn’t really —” Taeil started but he was interrupted when Jaemin hugged him. “Oh, um, okay. You’re welcome,” he croaked out, surprised.

After Jaemin pulled away, he looked at the puppy again and saw him running around his green cage. “You’re right,” he laughed. “He runs around a lot.”

“He’s a very excited puppy,” Taeil answered. “I actually thought of naming him after Renjun first, since his fur is the same color as Renjun’s hair, but then, I decided _you’re_ more alike.”

“Then why am I _the_ samoyed?” Jeno seriously asked. He didn’t look angry or irritated at all. He just looked genuinely curious.

“Then where’s _my_ puppy?” Renjun asked the same time as Jeno, also as genuinely curious.

Donghyuck wasn’t sure again if he should be thankful _or not_ that sure, he was at Taeil’s workplace with his friends even though he tried his best to keep them off it for the last two hours, but now, they found out they were named after puppies and somehow, his friends were interested on their namesake puppies.

Taeil had completely recovered from his earlier embarrassment and had transformed into the pet clinic keeper that he was, and also, their _friend_ who named puppies after them. He excitedly walked over to the samoyed puppy first and explained to Jeno, “I know you have black hair and you’re always wearing dark clothes and _Jeno_ here has white as snow fur _but_ when I look at _Jeno,_ his face just looked incredibly soft and sincere and he reminded me of you because you also looked like that when you look at your friends.” There was a smile in his voice when he finished explaining.

Jeno knew there was a part of him that _wanted_ to be offended because he wasn’t soft but at the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to actually _be_ offended because he knew what Taeil said was true.

Then, Taeil walked two cages to his right and stopped at a red cage with a german shepherd puppy with black and brown streaked fur. The puppy startled when Taeil suddenly appeared in front of it, followed by Renjun and the others behind him. He looked at Renjun and explained, “Did you see him startle? He reminded me of Renjun a lot.”

It was difficult to be annoyed at Taeil when he sounded so fond talking about the puppies reminding him of them but there honestly wasn’t enough information Renjun could get from that. “Like, _how_?” the blonde couldn’t help asking.

Taeil almost looked too happy explaining. “ _Renjun_ ’s breed is usually known for being easy-going and approachable but when they, or their _family,_ is threatened, they can be strong and protective. That’s why he startled earlier. He was being wary of his surrounding. He was like that a lot with the other puppies when they first came here, like he was protecting them.”

Renjun nodded, seemingly satisfied with the explanation. He stared at the puppy who stared back at him. He thought it was like seeing oneself after hearing Taeil’s explanation.

Donghyuck definitely did _not_ want to know his puppy. Or not _his_ puppy because these puppies were most likely for sale and it’s not his nor he plans to buy it just because Taeil named it after him. But he definitely did not want to know the puppy named after him. All of his friends — Renjun got the german shepherd, Jeno got the samoyed, and Jaemin got the golden retriever — had _such_ amazing breeds of big dogs. What if Taeil named him after a yorkshire terrier or a dachshund? _Not_ that Donghyuck had anything about those breeds. Those tiny dogs were perfect in their own ways, too, _but_ he’d be the only different one and he would still like to know Taeil’s reason for naming him after them, whatever they were, incase but _could it please be a big dog, too._

“How about Hyuck?” Jeno _had_ to ask even though Donghyuck was in the middle of praying that it would be forgotten somehow. “He’s not a miniature poodle, is he?”

“No,” Taeil said, smiling at them funnily at the suggestion. “Miniature poodles are intelligent though.”

“Norwich terrier?” Renjun guessed.

“No,” Taeil said again, “but they’re such an incredibly affectionate breed.”

“Shih tzu?” Jaemin suggested.

“No,” Taeil replied, lightly shaking his head. “I like shih tzus. They’re very independent.”

Donghyuck didn’t know if Taeil could notice that _all_ breeds his friends were suggesting were breeds for small dogs. He already knew what his fate would be for at least a year, six months if he’s lucky. The way Taeil complimented each of the breed they suggested made Donghyuck feel like he could handle being a maltese though.

The pet clinic keeper walked over to where Donghyuck was standing close. He stopped at a purple cage just behind Donghyuck and bent down. Donghyuck walked closer, followed by their friends, who looked just as curious as to Donghyuck’s puppy than their own.

Taeil was smiling at the sleeping doberman puppy when he said to them, “This is _Donghyuck.”_

Donghyuck didn’t know where to look first: at the blob of a tiny sleeping brown creature who had never done anything for him but he felt incredibly thankful for _or_ Taeil who was smiling while looking at the puppy named after Donghyuck like it meant the world to him.

He couldn’t understand his friends _need_ to hear the explanation why _their_ puppies were named after them but now he could. He wanted to know why _Donghyuck_ was named after him. He didn’t know if he was barking as much as _Jaemin_ , he didn’t know if he has a significant trait like _Renjun_ , and Donghyuck didn’t know if he looked like _Jeno_ because he’s sleeping.

Unfortunately, the bell at the door chimed, and a man at his sixties and in suit and tie came in with a young woman around twenties, wearing a plunging neckline red dress with sequins all over. They could passed as father and daughter if not for the way the man’s hand travelled down the woman’s butt, reminding Donghyuck of a not so pleasant memory that he only chose to sigh because the woman laughed and leaned closer to the man. Like they weren’t literally on each other’s faces already.

Taeil looked at them warily. Somehow, only the strange customers come in during his duty. He had never encountered a father bringing his daughter at the clinic to look at dogs and cats at almost midnight.

The man looked around first, a little shocked at the sight of four black clothed guys, but then, the woman leaned to his neck and whispered, “ _Baby_ , I want a dog.”

Then, the man laughed, possibly waking up every animal at the clinic, and said, “Anything for my baby.”

“Sorry, guys,” Taeil quietly said, suddenly serious. It was honestly beyond him to let go of an animal, whatever it was, to people who smelled like cigarettes and alcohol coming at the clinic at a time like this and as much as he didn’t want to judge, a life of a creature was on the line. However, it was also his job to _at least_ talk to them. “I’ll talk to them first.”

Taeil walked towards the _couple,_ greeting them with his usual. “Hi, I’m Taeil. How may I help you?”

The woman _whined._ “I want a dog.”

“What kind of dog, _ma’am_? Do you have a specific breed preference?”

“I _just_ want a dog!”

It almost looked like a twenty year old adult throwing tantrum but Taeil patiently asked, “Would you like to look around then?”

The couple walked ahead before Taeil could guide them where to go and began looking, Taeil tagging behind them. They peered at every dog in the clinic, cage after cage. Then, they stopped in front of the golden retriever puppy. Taeil glanced at Jaemin who was standing by the puppy’s cage, too, almost protectively. He had seen them in difficult times and Jaemin’s eyes were like his eyes during those times when the couple stopped in front of the other _Jaemin._

“This one is taken.” Taeil was surprised when he heard Jaemin speak up before the couple.

The woman groaned, obviously irritated. He whined at the man with her, saying, “ _Baby,”_ she stretched the last syllable at least twenty times more than appropriate, “I _want_ it!”

But when the man turned to look at Jaemin, Taeil honestly didn’t know what the man was planning to do before he met Jaemin’s eyes, if he was planning to negotiate, or talk Jaemin into getting another puppy, but the moment his eyes met with Jaemin’s, he just laughed awkwardly and pulled the woman to the other cages, “He said it’s taken. Let’s just look at other dogs, okay?”

Taeil read it from one of the books they used in the university — selective attention was defined as the act of focusing on a particular object, for this case, a dog, while simultaneously ignoring all other information. Incidentally, Donghyuck and his friends had stood in front of their namesakes’ cages, probably having the same thought Taeil had when the couple walked inside the clinic. The couple went after _Renjun_ next and then, _Jeno,_ both hearing the same thing they heard from _Jaemin’s_ human counterpart from _Renjun and Jeno’_ counterparts.

He knew he shouldn’t laugh but the way the woman was complaining whenever they told him the puppy she wanted was taken to the man she was with while the man would only looked more uncomfortable dragging her away from the _guarded_ cages was just hilarious. He kept his laughter on his mind though because they were walking towards Donghyuck and _Donghyuck_ and Taeil didn’t know why but he looked the most dangerous.

Donghyuck hadn’t even heard _why_ Taeil named _Donghyuck_ after him and he didn’t like how they woke up the poor thing that was only trying to sleep soundly. No one liked that ever. So _no,_ he was not having any of it. He didn’t even say anything. He just stared at the couple who was walking near him and _Donghyuck._

Then, the man just dragged the woman passed Donghyuck.

“Why is _everything_ taken?” the woman complained at Taeil.

“Sorry, ma’am. First come, first served. It’s part of our policy,” Taeil politely answered. “Would you like to look at cats instead?”

“I _don’t_ like cats!” the woman hissed.

She looked _so_ pissed Taeil almost felt sorry for her but Taeil’s still not letting any creature land in the hands of drunk people. “Well, would you like to try and look again tomorrow?” he asked. “We might have _more_ options for you tomorrow. Or if you’ll just give me your contact details, I will call you if we have the breeds you like available again.”

“Just give him your contact details and let’s get out of here,” the man grunted.

The woman looked like she was ready to throw off one final tantrum before surrendering but the man was already pulling her towards the reception, following Taeil who was about to get their contact details, wanting to just leave.

“You’re staring at him.”

Donghyuck looked at Renjun who was nearest to him and kept the same expression in Renjun’s face when they were in _the enemies are still here_ mode, turning to stare ahead again. “I’m not,” he replied. “I’m simply looking ahead and he is there.” He watched Taeil pulled out some kind of form and a pen and gave it to the woman. Taeil was maintaining a measured smile towards the hostile forces that was about to take _Donghyuck and friends_ away and Donghyuck almost smiled at the effort Taeil was giving in his job. He knew how much the pet clinic meant to Taeil but seeing it up close was another thing.

“Then, why was that look on your face?”

“What look?”

“You look a certain way when you see him,” Renjun told him, matter-of-factly. “You look at him and it’s like you’re staring at the moon.”

“And?” Donghyuck turned to look at Renjun again, waiting.

Renjun smiled and it wasn’t that smile that was mocking or teasing, the kind of smiles he usually receives from the blonde. It wasn’t any of those smiles. He smiled at Donghyuck, the kind of smile that had years of friendship behind it, and stated, “You love the moon.”

He didn’t know what to do with the _information_ Renjun told him. Somehow, it felt like a new information, a thing he didn’t know.

Good thing knowing and feeling were two different things.

“Thank you, sir, ma’am. I’ll be sure to give you a call,” Taeil was saying and Renjun and Donghyuck both looked ahead again, keeping their expression flawless until they heard the bell chime again, the door closing behind the couple. He left the reception again and returned to Donghyuck and his friends.

“Sorry, I said that,” Jaemin was saying, looking apologetic. “I just don’t want _Jaemin_ to be with people like them.”

“It’s okay,” Taeil answered, smiling. “I’m actually thankful for the help. I also don’t want _Jaemin_ or the others to end up with them. They can always come back sober but I’m not giving anyone away to drunk people.”

“What if they come back tomorrow and take them?” Jeno asked, worried.

“First time it would happen,” Taeil replied, assuringly. “This happened a lot of times already but none of them comes back. It’s probably just some drunken venture, I don’t know.” He smiled again and said, “Besides, my boss, Dr. Jung, also knew the danger of giving animals to people who might not be responsible enough for it. She would understand why I chose not to give them any of our adorable puppies.”

“That’s a relief,” Renjun chided. Then, he asked because he knew Donghyuck was not going to, “So before we go home, why is the _poor_ doberman puppy named after Donghyuck?”

If Taeil had been confident in explaining why the other puppies were named after their respective namesakes, he almost looked nervous when Renjun asked that and he glanced at Donghyuck who was already looking at him.

“About a week after these guys arrived, I think that’s three weeks ago,” Taeil began because they were all looking at him. He thought he gave explanation with the others, and Donghyuck deserved to know, too, _why_ a puppy was named after him. “A fire almost broke out at the store beside the clinic,” he continued. “ _Donghyuck_ kept barking and barking at around four in the morning and he didn’t stop until I came out of the pantry and checked on him. Then, I saw the smoke outside and I immediately called 119. Just in case, I took _Donghyuck_ and the others outside until the fire fighters arrived but fortunately, the fire didn’t spread to the clinic.”

Donghyuck could vaguely remember some burnt signs on the establishment beside the clinic but he paid it no attention because he thought it had been there before. He couldn’t imagine it barely a month ago.

“I named him after Donghyuck because _he_ saved me.”

If he was talking about Donghyuck, the human, or Donghyuck, the puppy, Taeil didn’t mention anymore. He also purposely left out that the _real_ reason he named the doberman puppy _Donghyuck_ was because he liked him the most among the four. He had already named them before the fire happened — that story was also true. It would also take a long time before they could meet Dr. Jung and she wouldn’t be able to tell them any time soon that for the longest time Taeil had worked at her pet clinic, his favorite breed of dog had always been doberman.

Taeil had always loved dobermans. At first glance, they looked kind of normal, long head and a sleek, muscular body. Their ears were often cropped and their tails were usually docked shot. But their fur was short and shiny. They were an affectionate breed, sweet with people. They didn’t need training to be a good family protector.

Some dobermans were known to bond to only one person, their owner who they were loyal to. It’s probably what Taeil loved most about them.

“That’s great and all, but can I _please_ play with _Jaemin_ before we go?” Jaemin broke the stretching silence, having walked back to the green cage of the golden retriever puppy who began barking excitedly when he saw Jaemin again. “Look, he wants to play with me, too!”

Jaemin was the only one who asked but Taeil ended up getting the other three puppies as well and putting them on the animal play area with _Jaemin._ He just thought he wanted them to see how the puppies look together and they would understand his reason for naming the puppies after them. But then, Taeil was delightfully surprised when he saw _all_ humans were in the area, _not_ just Jaemin.

The blue haired was running after _Jaemin_ , the blonde was cradling _Renjun,_ the black haired was holding up _Jeno —_ they honestly looked like split images, Taeil thought — and then, there’s Donghyuck who was holding a sleeping _Donghyuck_ in his arms.

Taeil thought that this is truly his happy place after all.

—

Graduation was one of the happiest moments not just for the graduates but for their families as well. It was the culminating moment of all the hard work and perseverance of not just the graduates but their families who were supporting them all these years, if they did have families supporting them or if their families were actually supporting them. All the blood, sweat, and tears graduates had sacrificed was finally rewarded. It was that time when someone’s parents would feel like everything they put forth for their sons and daughter were worth it because they were finally graduating. It was like another step taken towards their goal. It was like one level cleared again in this game called life. It was a moment of happiness.

Just as it was also a moment of sadness.

It was one level cleared which meant graduates were bound for another level again, with different challenges and different key items. The people they were with when they were in the university could not be the same people who would be with them in the next level. Some people were meant to stay and some people were meant to go. It was this kind of reality that makes graduations bittersweet. It was the feeling of both wanting to hold on and let go to this level which at the end of the day, no one could truly hold on for too long. Whether they were ready or not, it didn’t matter because time was not stopping for anyone.

Everyone was either hugging or crying. Those who were hugging have misty eyes, trying to laugh off the separation anxiety kicking in with the university or with their friends while holding on to the other person for just a tad bit longer. Those who were crying have puffy eyes and were almost inconsolable, making promises about meeting at least once a month in between their sobs and hiccups. There were also a lot of crying parents, telling their sons or daughters to always call because they were maybe planning to go _far,_ literally.

Donghyuck walked among them, in the sea of emotions of people who were both happy and sad at the same time. He knew it was a difficult feeling because that’s what he felt when he saw Dongmyung that morning. His brother wanted to talk to him about working at the company immediately, without even completing his degree yet. He refused.

It wasn’t like he was doing this for his parents or for the possibility of working for the company. Truthfully, Donghyuck enjoyed chemical engineering, as nerdy as that would have sounded, and he wanted to finish it not because he knew this would make him a _worthy_ heir to the company but it would also be good for his credentials. Besides, having a degree would enable him to work somewhere else.

His brother looked as if he was going to say something else, to force him into accepting the position already, but he just looked at Donghyuck for a moment, sighed and let it go. That’s the first time he talked with Dongmyung ever since their sister died and Donghyuck didn’t know if he felt sad or happy about it.

Which was why he was here in the middle of the graduates, looking for Taeil because he wanted to tell the other that he talked to Dongmyung. Granted that he wasn’t the one who initiated the conversation and the conversation wasn’t _anywhere_ near the conversation that was important and the one that they should be having but Donghyuck didn’t ignore Dongmyung’s attempt to talk to him nor did he try to be sarcastic or hostile.

He saw Taeil expectedly away from the crowd. He had a pleased expression in his face despite having no one around him.

“Should I have brought a bouquet?” Donghyuck asked, approaching the graduate.

Taeil looked surprised when he saw Donghyuck but his face broke into a huge smile. “What are you doing here?”

“Dongmyung and I talked,” Donghyuck told him.

“Oh, you just came to tell me that?” Taeil looked a little disappointed. But then, he immediately eased his expression again and asked, “What did you talk about?”

“He wanted me to quit university,” the other ignored Taeil’s disappointed look earlier and said. “But I refused. He didn’t say anything else after.”

Taeil gave him a funny look. “And you didn’t say anything else, too, did you?”

Donghyuck shook his head. “No,” he confirmed.

The other sighed and gave him a weak smile. “Well, at least you talked already,” he told him. “It’s a start.” Then, he looked at the sky which was covered by the tree Donghyuck didn’t even notice they were standing under. Taeil had this look on his face that was different from the other graduates. It didn’t seem happy or sad or both. It looked peaceful, if Donghyuck should put a word on it.

“Why were you alone?” he asked Taeil.

“I wasn’t alone,” Taeil answered. “I was _not_ just with anyone then.”

“Everyone has their family with them,” Donghyuck started, “except you.”

Taeil kept his focus on the branches of the tree hindering his sight of the clear sky that afternoon. “I realize,” he said. “But the strange thing is I don’t feel sad about it. Not having my family around.”

Donghyuck thought it was probably what someone would feel if they didn’t have their family around for a long time already. Physical presence didn’t mean anything if the people around them still didn’t feel like they have someone.

“I’m just glad I already graduated,” Taeil continued. “Now I can do something else, something I want for myself.”

“Isn’t that what you’ve been doing though?” Donghyuck asked. “You told me you wanted to graduate because it will be good for your credentials, right?”

Taeil turned to look at Donghyuck. “Yeah,” he answered.

“You’re already there, Taeil,” Donghyuck told him. “You don’t have to go back.”

Donghyuck understood what Taeil was feeling. Somehow, when a person was trapped in a situation for too long, even after the time when they finally freed themselves, the things in the past would hunt them for a long time. Unknowingly, their decisions could still be affected by the past. It was just that they’ve been used to it for so long that their subconscious would revert back to that time when they were being controlled by other people even though in reality, they were already free. It wasn’t a bad thing. If anything, it was normal because trauma could seriously affect a person’s mental being long after it was over. That’s why it was called trauma. _He_ just have to remind Taeil that his life was his own again.

“Yeah,” Taeil said. He knew what Donghyuck meant. He couldn’t catch himself again, couldn’t catch his thoughts. It was a good thing Donghyuck was there. He took a deep breath. “But for real, shouldn’t you have brought a bouquet? It’s what they give to graduates, you know.” He was saying that but it was obvious he was only teasing.

Suddenly, a man holding a huge camera was in their faces. He was one of the photographers hired by the university to take around and take pictures of students.

“Okay, let’s take your picture,” the man said, moving Donghyuck closer to Taeil. “Here, stay close.”

Donghyuck looked at Taeil in confusion but the other only looked at him in equal confusion. They haven’t even said anything when the man took a couple of steps back and was already positioning his camera in between his hands and through his eyes even though the two were still questioning what was happening.

“Okay, look front,” the photographer was saying impatiently.

The two looked ahead not because they wanted their pictures taken but because they wanted to tell the man they didn’t need it.

_Snap._

“Okay, next,” but the photographer was already on to the next pose. “Why don’t you,” he pointed at Donghyuck, “put your arm around him? Be friendlier, okay? And next time, don’t open your mouths too big and you _can_ smile.”

Donghyuck could feel Taeil was trying to stop himself from laughing because the other knew he was just trying to talk earlier when the man took his shot. But Donghyuck actually put his arm around Taeil and that froze the other who looked at Donghyuck just in time when the man clicked his camera again.

_Snap._

Taeil was pretty certain he wasn’t looking at the camera but at Donghyuck when their picture was taken. He didn’t know which of them had it worse but he was betting it was him. He probably looked too dumbstruck on that second picture.

“Okay, you can claim your pictures at the booth over there,” the man pointed out to the booth at the other end of the crowd. He disappeared just as quickly as he appeared, looking for other unsuspecting graduates and starting every one-sided conversation he strikes with _okay_ which definitely makes it _not okay_ because the people he was talking to don’t even have the chance to answer.

Donghyuck removed his arm around Taeil, backing away into a safer distance, and asked, “What was that about?”

“They hired a few photographers to take around pictures here and there,” Taeil told him, shrugging.

“He didn’t even wait for us to smile,” the other complained.

“Would you have smiled?” Taeil asked Donghyuck, amusement lacing his voice.

“Who doesn’t smile when their picture is being taken?”

“Let’s take a selca then.”

Perhaps it was because they were too far away from the crowd that Donghyuck felt like they were back to their own world again when the man left that he didn’t agreed to taking a selca with Taeil, if only that would prove him the point that Donghyuck _smiles_ when his picture was being taken. He nodded, to the obvious surprise of Taeil, and watched the other pull out the phone from his pocket and positioned it at the above angle that would capture them both.

However, Donghyuck was still standing at least a couple of feet away from Taeil and the screen could only capture so much. He took the steps closer to Taeil and precisely stood beside him like he did when their second picture was taken by that man but this time, instead of just putting an arm around Taeil, he took Taeil’s phone on the other’s stretched arm to his right hand and put his left arm around Taeil, holding the other’s shoulder and pulling him even closer.

“Ready?” he asked Taeil, looking at the other who was wide-eyed through the phone screen.

“Uh, yeah,” Taeil stammered, blinking away his fluster.

Donghyuck counted _1, 2, 3_ and then pressed the capture button. Then, he ceremoniously gave Taeil’s phone back to him, stepped back to his original position, and said, “Check it.”

Taeil checked the picture and Donghyuck was _indeed_ smiling. It wasn’t that kind of toothy smile or anything too grand. His teeth wasn’t even showing. His mouth was just curved a little but Taeil knew Donghyuck was smiling because he could see it in his eyes more than his mouth.

“You don’t have to get _those_ pictures anymore now,” Donghyuck continued saying.

“They _might_ be good though,” Taeil seriously said, and then he smiled, “even though we’re not smiling and we both looked like the pictures were being taken without our consent.”

“ _Right,_ ” the other sarcastically answered, smiling back. Then, he asked, “Did you _honestly_ want a bouquet?”

“No,” Taeil was saying. He _did_ want a bouquet earlier but then, he talked to Donghyuck and he realized he wanted to talk to him more than receive anything from him. He didn’t know if that was something good or bad. Should he be worried that it was alright for him _not_ to receive anything as long as he got to to talk to Donghyuck or should he be contented that he didn’t want any material things from the other but just his presence?

Well, actually, _that_ second one was disturbing, Taeil thought. He belatedly realized that was _way_ more disturbing that the first one.

“Because I brought you something else,” Donghyuck continued, pulling something from his pocket. It wasn’t even packed. Anyone would know what it _was_ the moment he showed it because it was simply there, at its barest presence for anyone to see.

“Since you like my sun earring, I thought I’d get you something similar _but_ you don’t have any piercing, so I got you a necklace instead,” he was explaining, holding out the necklace in front of Taeil and letting it fall down completely from his hand. It was a silver necklace with a sun pendant, similar to Donghyuck’s earrings.

Taeil stared at it because he was _just_ settling with the idea how disturbing it was to be completely satisfied with Donghyuck’s mere presence alone but Donghyuck got him a necklace with the sun pendant similar to Donghyuck’s earrings that Taeil liked and he was slapped with the realization that he did not want just anything from Donghyuck, like a graduation bouquet everyone around him has. He wanted something with meaning. He wanted something that he could _only_ get from Donghyuck and nobody else knew just how much Taeil loved sunrises now except him. He didn’t know if he should be more terrified with his first realization or _this_ one.

He received the necklace from Donghyuck and whispered, just because Taeil didn’t trust himself yet to _fully_ speak, “Thank you.”

“But if you _still_ want the bouquet, we can still get —” Donghyuck was saying, the one teasing this time.

“Falling in love is terrifying.” Taeil _was_ right not to trust himself to speak yet. He didn’t know where to place all these emotions coming to him. He looked at Donghyuck and everything else paled in comparison to him, the crowd, this place he should be feeling even a little bit attached to, the sky, time itself.

“What?” Donghyuck wasn’t sure he heard _that_ right.

“The only way it ends is when you finally hit the ground,” Taeil continued. Then, he smiled sadly, “That _should_ hurt.”

“But what if someone catches you?” Donghyuck found himself asking. He didn’t know _what_ Taeil was talking about other than what it sounded to him. He didn’t want to assume, he didn’t want to expect, but on the context of the conversation as it was, _that’s_ what he wanted to ask Taeil. He didn’t know where this conversation was going but he just thought falling in love wasn’t as terrifying as how it seemed when he knew someone would catch him.

“How can someone possibly catch me if they are falling with me?”

“What if they’re falling long before you?”

Donghyuck looked at Taeil and maybe Taeil was right. Falling in love _should_ hurt. He didn’t quite understand the concept of love without heartbreak because that was a little given fact that when a person loved, he put a little of him to the people around him, and that’s why it _would_ hurt because there was something of the person in the people he loved. It would hurt when they said something horrible, it would hurt when they did not do something they should have done, it would hurt when they didn’t meet what he would expect from them, and it would because there was a little part of him in those people. Because there was always a chance for goodbye and that saying goodbye would meant saying goodbye to that part of him in them.

Like everything, falling in love has consequences. The comfort of just being in each other’s presence versus the fear of being the reason for each other’s demise.

However, if life was a game to be played, a player couldn’t just settle on one level for the rest of his life. There were challenges meant to be taken, opponents meant to be faced, and feelings meant to be conquered.

That didn’t mean he was going to proclaim an undying love for anyone then. He liked the comfort of being in each other’s presence without the need for flowery words of affection. He liked the way Taeil’s door was always open for him anytime and that he would literally go to the other ends of the earth if he knew Taeil was in danger. He liked how he was the one present in Taeil’s graduation. He liked the way they were now. Everything else would catch up in the right time but for now, Donghyuck just wanted to tell Taeil that it was alright to fall and that it was perfectly okay to be scared but that Taeil shouldn’t worry that much because someone might be falling long before he was.

—

“Hey, Donghyuck, if you’re cancelling tonight —”

“Why do you _always_ think that?”

“You’re not bleeding to death now, are you?”

“What? No!”

“I swear, Donghyuck, if you’re somehow shot _again_ and you’re calling me as if nothing is wrong —”

“I’m _not_ shot, Taeil. I’m not bleeding to death. I’m not even remotely hurt right now. Will you ease up?”

“Because last time,” Taeil began saying but he stopped. He took a deep breath and for about a few seconds, there was nothing.

Donghyuck thought the call was dropped but when he looked at his phone, it was still on. He stared at it for a moment, wondering what the face of the person at the other end of line was like at that second. He was betting it looked both worried and anxious. “Taeil,” he began, his voice soft, “I am _never_ going to pull something like that again, okay?”

He must have been extremely worried back then, when they dropped the call, that he called Jaemin. He also knew he must have been guilty because he didn’t pick up on something wrong when they were still on the call and he had to end up critically. None of that was his fault but he knew Taeil could blame himself to the ends of the earth for something that wasn’t his fault if it involved the people he cares about. It was an accumulated response to his former situation, one that tended other people to abuse him. Because they knew how much Taeil loved them, Taeil had to buy their affection. Because they knew how much Taeil cared for them, Taeil learned to take the blame even when it wasn’t his fault and he learned not to ask the barest minimum.

Donghyuck was not going to do that to Taeil. Not to mention everything his friends put him through because of that stunt he did. He never wanted to go through that again. He and his friends had been through a lot but one thing about their friendship was they would cry together about all _other_ things but they had never cried about one another. Sure, they would bicker a lot, tease each other, joke around, and there would be times when they would also fight and throw a few punches here and there, but they do _not_ bring tears. They knew about how each one of them already had a lot of people to do that to them.

“I am never going to do that to you again, Taeil,” Donghyuck resolutely said.

“I don’t believe in never,” came Taeil’s whispered response. “Things can always change.”

“I don’t believe in always,” Donghyuck responded, smiling. “Some things never change. Well, it’s cool. Opposites attract.” Right after it left his mouth, he could _not_ believe he said that. He waited anxiously for Taeil’s response.

“You’re right,” Taeil answered after a while.

“I know. Some things _really_ never change. Sure, it possibly can after a long time but we’re not around to witness it like —”

“I mean, the opposites attract.”

Donghyuck’s jaw dropped so hard Jeno looked at him weirdly. Then, he awkwardly coughed and tried to buy some time because he was losing his mind and he had no idea how to respond to that. Granted it was something that just slipped his mouth but Taeil responded to it perfectly. He didn’t know what to do now.

“Well, if you are _sure_ about coming tonight, I’ll see you later, okay?” Taeil casually continued after Donghyuck has taken too long to answer although the other person at the end of the time was just as bewildered at what he said, he was at least grateful they were talking on the phone because Donghyuck couldn’t see his blushing face.

“Uh, yeah,” Donghyuck muttered. “See you later.”

He was still pretty dumbfounded at what just happened but his friends were not letting him take a moment to think about it because Renjun was on his throat, looking at him in a judging manner. He waited for the blonde to say something but Renjun only continued to stare at him like he took the last piece of pizza or he announced to Renjun he’s marrying one of his younger sisters. He didn’t even notice how different his comparisons were.

“What?” Donghyuck couldn’t help it anymore and asked Renjun. He was used to ignoring his friends’ antics most of the time but he was still bothered about his conversation with Taeil and he could _not_ be worried about how Renjun was looking at him simultaneously.

Renjun shrugged and said, “Nothing.”

Donghyuck stared at the blonde and he noticed it wasn’t just Renjun who was looking at him. Although Jaemin didn’t have the same intensity of Renjun’s judging stare, Donghyuck was pretty sure the blue haired was also judging him with that smirk on his face and even though Jeno looked simply unconcerned about everything, Donghyuck knew the dark haired and he knew if Renjun and Jaemin had something on him, Jeno _most_ probably also had.

The problem _was_ he did not know what his friends problem with him.

“Then why are you all staring at me?”

No answer.

“Guys!”

Still, no answer.

“Will you _please_ stop looking at me like that?”

“You had _that_ smile.” Renjun must have taken pity at Donghyuck and spoke up. “That smile I told you about when you’re on the phone earlier. It’s Taeil, right?”

He knew saying _what smile_ would only make him dig his grave digger. He knew his friends like the back of his hand but that could also be said to any of three to him. There was no use denying something they already knew, even if said thing was still for processing to Donghyuck’s mind.

“I know I’m not good at this whole emotion stuff but you like him,” Jeno continued, simply putting out something that wasn’t as simple as it sounded to Donghyuck.

“What?”

“You’ve got your issues and he has his,” the blue haired said his assessment to what seemed to be Donghyuck’s relationship with Taeil, whatever that was. “But having him with you, and having you with him, you’re _both_ just better. You’re better with each other.”

Donghyuck had _not_ even processed whatever Taeil said to him and now his friends were telling him _stuff_ that would probably stay on his mind until later, when they got to Taeil’s friend’s bar and he saw Taeil and he heard Taeil sing again. He began to question his mind if bringing his friends along was the best idea but Taeil had told him he would love for Donghyuck’s friends to come, too.

Also, Jaemin suggested that they wear the sweater Taeil brought for them last Christmas just because they had _never_ worn it after they tried it on that day Taeil gave the sweaters to them and it was only polite to at least wear it once so Taeil could see it. Renjun looked bewildered at the idea of sporting a _lemon_ sweater at a public place and Jeno only shrugged, saying it was Taeil’s gift. Despite the reluctance and the underlying anxiety of wearing colors, everyone agreed in the end because well, it was Taeil’s gift.

They were idly standing outside the bar ten minutes earlier than the time Taeil told them to come, just a little earlier to eleven in the evening, suffering because of the early spring breeze instead of going inside.

“Hey, are you Taeil’s friends?” a _really_ tall guy suddenly approached them. He looked friendly enough but it was just that he looked _so_ tall.

Also, were colors like _hi, we’re Taeil’s friends_ because Donghyuck didn’t know what to do with that idea.

“I’m Youngho, his best friend way back middle school,” _Youngho_ introduced himself, smiling at them. Then, he shivered a little when the wind blew. “Aren’t you guys coming in? It’s freezing here.”

“We’re coming in,” Jeno was saying because he could deal with wearing a _bright_ orange sweater in a bar but he could not deal with standing there with a cold wind freezing their faces every other minute. Besides, it felt awkward but the sweater was actually comfortable. It’s just that the wind was too mad.

The four followed Youngho inside while Taeil’s _best friend_ talked. “Taeil mentioned he brought you guys sweaters. That’s why I recognized you,” he was saying. “Your sweaters are _his_ style.”

“It’s actually a _bit_ colorful for our taste,” Jaemin said, trying to be polite even though bit was a little understated, “but we wanted to wear them because Taeil gave them.”

“You usually wear all black, don’t you?” Youngho turned to look at them, grinning.

“How did you know that?” Renjun asked, surprised.

“Taeil said,” Youngho simply answered.

Donghyuck wondered what other things Taeil told _his_ best friend about them. Did he mention Donghyuck got shot two months ago and Taeil stayed at the hospital for nearly a week? Did he tell him he named puppies after Donghyuck and his friends?

“Oh, hey, bro!” Youngho called to another guy with a long hair in a loose tie. “Let me introduce you. This is Yuta, he’s also Taeil’s friend way back middle school. And these guys are,” Youngho paused, belatedly realizing that he hadn’t actually gotten any of their names yet.

“I’m Jaemin,” the blue haired took it upon himself to introduce everyone. “And these are Jeno, Renjun, and Donghyuck.”

“Cool,” Yuta said, grinning at them. “So you know Taeil from where?”

“He stitched up Donghyuck’s head,” Jeno answered bluntly.

“What?” Yuta was saying but he was laughing together with Youngho. “Oh, Taeyong, come here! Taeil’s new friends are funny!”

Donghyuck honestly had no idea how old were Taeil’s friends were. He and Taeil had never talked about age after that first time because it wasn’t an issue for them. But here, Youngho thought Taeil stitching his head up was funny. He wondered what was so funny about that.

“This one’s Taeyong. He owns this place,” Youngho introduced the guy who came to them with silver hair, almost like Jaemin’s under a blue light. Then, he turned to the Taeyong and said, “Could you believe Donghyuck here _met_ Taeil because he stitched his head up?”

The three of them hollered in laughter again, leaving the four in confusion.

“Sorry, sorry, you guys don’t get it,” Taeyong was saying, wiping a tear from his eye. “Taeil _hates_ seeing blood. He said it’s not a phobia but he just hates it. He already told us he’s working for the university clinic and a pet clinic though.”

“Isn’t it about time?” Yuta suddenly asked.

“Right,” Taeyong agreed.

“You guys can sit here first. Taeil is probably at the back, trying to calm his nerves,” Youngho grinned at them. Then, they all quickly disappeared through the crowd to somewhere that must be the back after saying, “We’ll be back.”

Donghyuck wondered if the back has all of the owner’s friends, looking at the already disappeared silhouette of the people who were Taeil’s friends since middle school, one who even introduced himself as Taeil’s best friend. He also wondered what Youngho meant that the sweaters were Taeil’s _tastes._ He knew Taeil for over six months now and he had no idea what his taste was like. Maybe if he was someone who knew Taeil since middle school, he would be able to pick that up as well. He never heard about Taeil’s distaste of seeing blood, too. Considering that Taeil had stitched him up more times than one.

“Stop making that face,” Jaemin suddenly said.

“What?” Donghyuck realized he’s been saying _what_ a lot that day but he couldn’t help it when he didn’t understand what his friends were telling him.

“He said he’s Taeil’s best friend. Taeil is _allowed_ to have a best friend,” the blue haired continued, looking at Donghyuck with a _you’re supposed to know this already_ look. “ _I’m_ your best friend.”

_What_ Jaemin just said implied a lot of things because first, what kind of face Donghyuck was even making? He wasn’t even _particularly_ thinking about Youngho only. Okay, maybe he was. He was looking around, or maybe where Taeil’s friends had disappeared to, but it was his usual, bored face when he wasn’t riding or playing his guitar or messing around with his friends. Second, of course Taeil was allowed to have a best friend. Youngho had been in Taeil’s life for _a lot_ longer than Donghyuck was and it was perfectly acceptable that the other knew a lot more about Taeil than Donghyuck. It was _normal._

But Donghyuck chose to shut his mouth on all of those things and asked Jaemin. “ _You’re_ my best friend?” Because of course, that was the most important point the blue haired made.

Jaemin looked like he was about ready to fight Donghyuck right there and then but the stage dimmed that caught both of their attention and they turned to look at the stage. The light flicked again and on the stage was Youngho with a bass, Taeyong with a guitar, Yuta behind the drums, and there’s Taeil, sitting on a high stool chair, a microphone in his hands.

Taeil immediately saw Donghyuck and if that was because of the colorful sweaters he and his friends were wearing or not, Donghyuck didn’t know if he should be thankful because of how Taeil smiled pleasantly at their direction. He knew Jaemin was excitedly waving both his hands at Taeil and Jeno and Renjun were probably smiling or nodding in greeting to Taeil, too, but their eyes remained focused at each other until the guy with the silver hair spoke.

“Our friend here, Taeil, just graduated,” he told the crowd. “Let’s clap our hands for him.” There was a round of applause and some whistling. “He’s just one of the best voices I’ve heard and way back middle school and high school, he _used_ to write a lot of songs, too. I thought I’d never seen him create another masterpiece but tonight, we’re going to sing a song Taeil _recently_ wrote. It’s a beautiful song. I hope everyone likes it.”

The vocalist looked shy at the introduction but the moment the instruments began playing, he took a deep breath, and looked forward, composed, _calm._ He smiled at Donghyuck and began singing the words, _his_ words.

_I can see you even when I close my eyes_

_I can hear you even when I cover my ears_

Taeil had began penning this song after Donghyuck woke up from the hospital. He had a lot of thoughts when he was staying by Donghyuck when he was sleeping, a lot of emotions he wanted to put into writing, but he couldn’t because he didn’t know what they were. How could he have possibly written his feelings into words if he couldn’t even understand them?

But then, Donghyuck woke up, and they ate dinner at his place for Christmas Eve, and Donghyuck stayed until the following morning, and he went with Taeil to buy him and his friends Christmas gifts, and they got caught with criminals and the police, and he got to know Donghyuck’s story like Donghyuck knew his, and he named four puppies after him and his friends, and Donghyuck was the one with him on his graduation, and somehow, it was a lot but Taeil had found the words to it and he had written them down. His friends put music to it and now, he was singing it in front of the person who inspired it.

_Oh, when my moon rises_

_Your sun rises under the same sky_

_Time-crossed_

_Our hearts our connected under the same sky_

Donghyuck had heard Taeil sing before. He had even been the only one who was around at that time, in Taeil’s home, unlike tonight when there were a lot of people around. He had heard Taeil’s voice and thought it was special but tonight, it was more than special. It was more than that feeling when he heard Taeil sang the first time and they were alone because tonight, despite the people around them, the way Taeil would only look at him and sing those words he knew were meant for him was like they were back in their space.

_You and I_

_The two of us are just like one_

Taeil finished the song perfectly, gazing at Donghyuck as if he was the only person in the room.

—

After Taeil’s band sang, everyone was clapping and it should have been inappropriate but Taeil was only looking at Donghyuck. The vocalist _reasoned_ it wouldn’t be too inappropriate since he was looking at the person who inspired the song and the person who he wrote the song for. Technically, Donghyuck was the reason why everyone else heard the song.

He appreciated the applause and the whistles here and there but Donghyuck’s eyes were unreadable even though they were barely ten meters away and the light of Taeyong’s bar was actually better. Of course, Taeil had absolutely _zero_ comparison with that but he would say Taeyong didn’t want his bar to be polluted by drunken people who would blame the lighting for _not_ knowing what to do. So it was definitely not the lighting’s fault that he couldn’t decipher what Donghyuck’s gaze meant.

They had to clear the stage for the _actual_ band who would be singing. It wasn’t even Taeil’s schedule to sing. He just wanted to sing that song for Donghyuck — even though that wasn’t what he told Taeyong. He just said since it’s his friends’ graduation party for him, he should at least repay it with one song. It wasn’t even a lie, because it was Youngho and Taeyong who arranged the music for his lyrics, and Yuta was dying to know how it sounded when they played it because he was in love with Taeil’s words.

“The o _h, when my moon rises, your sun rises under the same sky_ is _so_ perfect, bro!” Yuta was saying three hours later, when most of the people in the bar had left considering it was beyond closing, too, and he was left with his friends and Taeil’s new friends. “How _did you_ even think that? I swear if you sell that song, you _will_ make it big!”

The long-haired already said that for exactly twenty one times to Taeil since they finished singing but Taeil still responded with, “I don’t want to sell it though. I didn’t exactly wrote it to make money.”

“But it’s so good!” Yuta argued.

“Thank you, but no,” Taeil said, smiling at Yuta who was on his twenty-first time of reacting the same way after Taeil answered that, screaming in frustration like _why_ with probably more _y_ than necessary from a twenty four year old guy.

“You’re good in guitar,” Renjun suddenly said to Taeyong, remembering how easy his fingers looked while playing earlier even when he was looking at the crowd.

“‘Been playing since middle school,” the bar owner replied with a light smile. “It kind of comes with times. Besides, these guys will kick me out if I don’t play well.” He gave a chuckle.

“Damn right,” Youngho acknowledged.

“Maybe not kick you out, Taeyong,” Taeil tried saying.

“Taeil stays because of his voice,” Yuta explained, “but _you._ ” He had another episode of screaming in frustration — yes, he wasn’t just screaming in frustration because of Taeil’s unwillingness to sell his song, he had been screaming in frustration because of every other thing for the last three hours anyone would wonder how many drinks he had — and exasperatedly said, “You’re good now though.”

Taeyong stared at his friend for a moment before jumping to him and _headlocking_ him. “How could you say that, dumbass!” the silver haired was complaining. “I _practiced_ so hard because I didn’t want to be left out back then!”

“And you’re great now with guitar,” Taeil stated.

“I thought we were going to continue with the band back then,” Taeyong said, letting go of Yuta when he tapped his arm.

“Why didn’t you?” Jeno asked.

“Well, uh,” Taeil was beginning to say, coughing, and Donghyuck realized that Taeil hadn’t told them about what happened with the band before.

“We went our separate ways,” Youngho answered instead of Taeil. He looked at his best friend and gave him a light nod. “I personally loved the band. I’d probably want to continue with the band back then if we ever go back. But looking back now, _not_ being able to continue with the band gave me a chance to pursue another passion. Photography. I’d still love to play from time to time but I don’t think I’d give up photography now.”

Taeyong was nodding, looking around at the place he didn’t think he could build. “Same here,” he told them. He had thought it was impossible to have a bar of his own before. He had thought he couldn’t do it. But now, this place was _his_ and his friends come over whenever they want and he even plays with his friends from time to time. “I think it’s _not always_ going to play out the way we planned everything but it’s _not bad_. I love this place.”

“I love this place, too,” Yuta suddenly announced, probably talking about something a little bit different than what Taeyong was referring to. For a drunk person, he looked incredibly serious all of a sudden when he spoke, “But I love _home_ , too. I’ll always come back here — _these shits_ are here — but even if we chose to continue with the band, I didn’t think we’d be as happy as we are now. Our dreams may have been different now, we _are_ living them, but dreams are not the only thing that connects people and places are not the only thing a person can go back to.”

Taeil looked at his friends, at the people he thought he abandoned, even betrayed, but here they were again, and he looked at Donghyuck and his friends, these people he didn’t think he’d be friends with until it happened. He didn’t know what he did to deserve these people, both his old and new friends, but he was thankful for each one of them. He knew what happened in the past could not be reversed anymore. He knew there was nothing he could do to make up for the lost time. He knew there was no taking back anyone’s difficult past that had already happened. But he realized he didn’t need to because these people were here regardless of everything that happened to him in the past and he wanted to be there for them from here on, too.

There was nothing anyone could do with the blood they were born to but they were wrong if they think that _that_ blood could dictate their lives, what they accept, who they become, and where they want to go. 

To those people that said _everyone should respect their family_ to Taeil before, he wanted to tell them now to stop assuming that everyone has been treated well by their family. He wanted to tell them that respect was not freely given and that it should be earned, even by those people who were related to him by blood. Why were parents allowed to yell and scream at their children and call them names and just make them feel like shit in general but when children try to defend themselves, it’s disrespectful? He didn’t owe anyone respect. He didn’t owe anyone anything. Taeil didn’t believe in _respecting family_ anymore. He believed in _respecting those deserving of respect,_ whether he shared the same blood with these people or not.

Taeil thought that _that_ line was used repeatedly in abusive situations. It was frequently used in emotional abuse in the form of gastlighting to make victims of abuse doubt their perceptions of events and he painfully wondered just how many people were still trapped in it. Because if someone had been bullied, hit, teased, put down, hurt, lied to, or hated by their own family, they didn’t need to justify how they feel. They didn’t need to explain themselves. These people were allowed to cut themselves from that _family._

Some people wouldn’t understand it, when there were people who were willing to cut their family off, and that was okay because not all people had lived their entire lives in guilt or based on some sense of loyalty to someone based on blood. It’s nearly impossible for those people to understand if they have never experienced the same kind of abuse. They wouldn’t know how there were people who would bet on that fact, the selfless love a person had for their family, abuse it and use it against that person. But just because they were family didn’t mean it was acceptable.

“Taeil, don’t look at us like _that,_ ” Taeyong was suddenly saying.

“Yeah, it’s creepy,” Yuta concurred, making an exaggerated face of being scared.

“It’s a _little_ creepy,” Jaemin was also agreeing.

“What are you thinking?” Donghyuck asked, turning to the other. He knew there was something running on Taeil’s mind and it was probably something he realized, too, when Taeil’s friends were talking about not pursuing their initial dream of continuing the band after high school because of Taeil’s situation with his family.

He realized these people had been with Taeil for more than half of Taeil’s life. They had been separated, yes, and there was a lot of lost time, but these people had accepted Taeil back when he was ready to live his own life again, without being manipulated by anyone or his own guilt. These people were here now, even thanking Taeil for letting them have their dreams of their _own_ that wasn’t shadowed by anything else, something that was totally theirs.

Donghyuck knew time only stops when a person don’t use it. He lost his older sister and he got estranged by his older brother. He didn’t even know what his parents wanted to do with him now that they were pretending they only have one child left. He was sixteen when Daeun died. He was nineteen when he spoke to Dongmyung again. Was three years Donghyuck’s lost time? He couldn’t think of it as such because in those three years, he was with these people who he shared an abandoned warehouse with, had rides until early in the morning to places they didn’t even know they could reach by themselves but together, almost died several times for these people _and_ these people almost dying for him at times, too, these people who wouldn’t and couldn’t let him go _just yet_ , and some new people he met barely four hours ago, a photographer, a bar owner, and a soccer player.

Then, there’s this person who probably changed his entire perspective about the darkness within himself he thought was inescapable but was something that could be considered beautiful, too, because it allowed him to be _here._ If anything, _that,_ whatever that was that brought him here, that brought his friends here, that brought Taeil here, that enabled them to be here.

Time was not relative. Just because someone spent most of his life with those people he shared his last name with didn’t mean they knew him any better than these people who he knew for less than a day and just because someone chose not to spend his most important years with the people he planned of spending it with didn’t mean none of them did something that was important. Some found new dreams and new passions, some found a different reason to live, and some found family.

Taeil smiled at him before turning to everyone and saying, “That family matters, blood doesn’t.”

Family was more than blood and shared last names. It’s the people who stood by him when he needed them, the people who knew he had to cry even when he didn’t even know he was already crying, and those who made him laugh when he felt like he couldn’t anymore.

They said _blood is thicker than water_ but it shouldn’t be as simple as that. It should have been _the blood of the covenant is thick than the water of the womb._ It actually meant that blood shed in shared battles bonds people more strongly than simple genetics. Although it was commonly used to suggest the strength of blood ties, it didn’t refer to blood _at all._

“So you’d have kicked Taeyong out of the group if he didn’t learn guitar?” Renjun suddenly asked, breaking the intense silence that had engulfed them.

“That really wasn’t —” Taeil was already saying.

“It was an exaggeration,” Youngho followed after him.

“We’re just joking, you know,” Yuta added.

“Oh,” Renjun mumbled, staring at the blue-haired who was sitting across him, “because there’s someone I know who have been _trying_ to learn the guitar for about five years now. Want to know how many chords he know so far?”

“How many?” Taeyong asked.

“ _Four_ ,” Jeno screeched. “I swear if we weren’t friends —”

“In my defense, you _can_ play a lot of songs with only four chords,” Jaemin stated, looking unabashed at the accusations, or the truthfulness in them thereof. “Did you guys even know you can play _Hero_ and _Marvin Gaye_ using the same four chords?”

Donghyuck was nodding along with Taeyong and Youngho. “He’s not exactly wrong,” they were saying. Donghyuck was muttering, “Also _Photograph_ and _Love Yourself.”_ And Youngho was adding, “ _Locked Away_ and _Face Down,_ too” while Taeyong was saying, “Believe it or not, Adele’s _Hello_ as well.”

“But that should _not_ mean you should stop at four,” Youngho added, giving the blue haired a light pat at the shoulder with a little chuckle. “There are a lot more you could play if you know more chords.”

“But what if I think four is enough?”

For a guy who had everything the moment he was born, who literally didn’t have to do anything besides be the person his family was grooming him to be, except he didn’t want to do that anymore, Donghyuck knew he wasn’t just referring to the guitar chords.

“You know,” Jaemin continued, sinking back on his chair, and smiling, “ _we_ became friends because of guitar. Even though now, Donghyuck can play _even_ without music sheets. He used to _not_ play anything without sheet music, would you believe that? It’s not that Jeno and Renjun were bad teachers. I just didn’t think I need more than four chords now, if I can play alright already anyway.”

“You’re not going to give up the four chords though,” Yuta was saying. “And it’s not like _they’re_ going to be gone once you learned more chords. You can still choose to only play with them if you want,” the long haired shrugged, “but I think it’s important that _you_ don’t hold yourself back.”

Taeyong was nodding. “More than anyone else in this world, you should be the one seeking to improve yourself most. It’s not about anybody else really,” he added, smiling.

“How come you all sound _so old_ right now?” Renjun asked, forgetting what the conversation was about.

Youngho and Yuta laughed while Taeyong looked mildly offended. Taeil was also chuckling a little when he answered, “Well, we _are_ old.”

Donghyuck met Taeil’s eyes and he was conveying _you don’t look that old_ and Taeil had smiled at him and nodded a little at the blue haired who was sitting on Donghyuck’s other side. He nudged Jaemin’s shoulder a little, “But you _do_ know more chords than those four, right? Remember that song I was playing and you guys joined me? That’s more than the four chords you know.”

Youngho laughed and said, “Yeah. Sometimes, we know more than we realize.”

Yuta nodded, “You just have to step out of your comfort zone. No one can really tell you how far you can go except yourself.”

“Do you guys want to play?” Taeyong suddenly asked.

“We didn’t bring our guitars,” Donghyuck was saying.

“Oh, Taeyong have like, _fifty_ guitars. Don’t worry about that,” Taeil offhandedly informed them.

“ _Fifty?_ ” Jeno’s eyes widened. For someone who loved playing ever since he could remember, he only have _three_ guitars right now.

“Taeil, stop,” Taeyong said, rolling his eyes at Taeil. “It’s _fifteen_.”

“That’s still a lot!” Renjun exclaimed.

“I got kind of obsessed with them, especially when we sort of disbanded, and I couldn’t play anymore, or at least that’s what I thought,” the bar owner explained. “I still played even just at home when life’s too shitty. And then, these guys came back. It’s like nothing changed.”

Taeyong disappeared for about a couple of minutes with Taeil because Youngho was too lazy and Yuta was too drunk to be entrusted with any of his guitars. The two came back with _four_ guitars. They handed them to the four like this was entirely normal, to be playing in front of strangers — well, not much of strangers actually but they just literally met these people tonight — when they hadn’t played with anybody except the four of them.

But then, Taeil was there and he was looking hopefully at them. Even though Yuta's personality could be considered questionable at how fast the long haired was getting drunk and screaming here and there, and then suddenly turning serious and saying something sensible, and even though Youngho recognized them because of their colorful sweaters like Donghyuck still could not understand _how_ and even though Taeyong owned fifteen guitars it was probable it would reach fifty, these people said some reasonable things to _strangers_ without conditions, too.

Not sure if there would be other opportunities for them to meet and drink and talk like this, but for what it’s worth, none of them thought it was that big of a deal when Taeil and Taeyong handed them the guitars, and they looked at one another telepathically deciding what they were going to play.

“What about —” Jeno was beginning to ask _out loud._

Donghyuck knew what the black haired was going to suggest to play even before it left Jeno’s mouth. “No,” he firmly said.

“I know,” Jaemin suddenly said, his eyes sparkling. He huddled the other four and gave them instructions. Honestly, it was those four chords again and his friends didn’t need that much instruction with those anymore but they let him choose the song anyway.

It was a little funny because it looked a lot like the four of them were auditioning and Taeil’s band was going to judge them. Even though in reality, it was around three in the morning already, almost all lights in the bar was turned off except the ones directly above the two tables they conjoined so all of them could sit around together.

“One, two,” the blue haired counted and they played.

_We met at the end of this road_

_Where the lamp called for you_

_The fact always shines by my side_

_You light of my life_

_By your side without asking like it’s a habit_

_I’m coming home_

At the end of the song, Yuta had miraculously recovered from his drunken state and looked like he was almost crying at how beautiful they sounded, Youngho was clapping, eyes closed and shaking his head a little, still completely immersed at the song, Taeyong was looking at them proudly, like he had known these guys for so long, and Taeil had this smile that was impossible not to return.

They spent the next hour playing, Youngho and Taeyong played next, then, they played with Yuta on the drums, then, Renjun and Jeno played again, and lastly,Donghyuck.

—

“The last song you played sounded good,” Taeil was saying when they decided to call it a night, or _morning_ , and he and Donghyuck were walking to Donghyuck’s bike. Something it had been unspoken that Donghyuck would take Taeil home.”But it didn’t have words, right? I wonder how better it would sound with words.”

“It has words,” Donghyuck stated.

“Really?”

Donghyuck nodded. “Want to hear?”

“Uh, yeah, but you don’t have a guitar —”

_Blow out the candle light, baby_

_I mean thank you for all the days you’ve been with me_

_In times like this, I don’t know why_

_I’m embarrassed but that means I love you_

_I saw you smiling brightly_

_I wish you and I could do it forever_

_I think it will come true_

Donghyuck suddenly sang the words, even without guitar, while Taeil stood there, on the other side of the bike, and the moon was still above them, and making perfect company for both of them.

There was a reason why Donghyuck had always loved the moon. It never asked questions or begged for answers nor did he ever have to prove himself to it. It was always just there — breathing, shining, and in most ways, understanding.

They rode for more than two hours but this time, they had their destination. They were back to the river just before the sunrise, sitting side by side in front of Donghyuck’s bike, their fingers almost touching on the grass but not quite. Taeil slowly moved his head to Donghyuck’s shoulder and asked, “Can you sing it again?”

“Isn’t it weird without guitar?”

He could feel Taeil shake his head in his shoulder. “No, it’s beautiful,” he answered.

_It’s natural to have you in my heart_

_My melody, it’s possible because of you_

_My dreams, I want to make it all with you_

_You’re not alone, now we’re together_

_You showed up when I needed someone_

_Like candle lights, you are special_

_Stay with me all the time_

There was a reason why Taeil learned to love the sun. It was a daily reminder that they, too, can rise again from the darkness and that they, too, can shine their own light.

For Taeil, Donghyuck was the sun that came to his life and illuminated everything, gave things meanings, gave his life a new reason, a brand new purpose, and for Donghyuck, Taeil was the moon that was a comforting, beautiful surprise, someone he didn't think would arrive but did and stayed even though it wasn't easy. But actually, Taeil was the sun for Donghyuck, too, because he made Donghyuck believe about that new beginning and Donghyuck was the moon for Taeil, too, because he also stayed.

They were what they were looking for each other, and at the same time, what they were looking for in themselves.

They have long read stories about how the sun and the moon could never be together, opposite sides of a coin, opposite ends that breathe life to this earth. The sun would rise and the moon would hide, the sun would fall and the moon would be born again, always chasing after each other but never catching up for so long to stay. But the sun gave life to the moon and the moon stayed waiting for the sun. What if it was also the other way around? How the sun was always waiting for the moon to appear during twilights and how the moon was always fading so the sun could appear again.

They didn't once make each other weak. They needed each other but they weren't dependent. They could exist by themselves but was the best with each other.

Which one was more beautiful, how the moon lets the sun shine throughout the day or how the sun lets the moon glimmer at night, if they weren't the same.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I already said this in the first part but I hope people realize that no one has to take abuse from anyone, even their own family. It’s actually sad how the people who could hurt us the most are family members but that didn’t mean it’s acceptable or people should live through kind of pain.
> 
> I might have enjoyed writing HyuckNoRenMin too much. I actually felt a little bad that I didn’t write YuTaeJohnIl as much. I also obviously enjoyed them jamming together and singing. The four songs mentioned in the story are G-Dragon’s ‘Untitled, 2014’, NCT 127’s ‘Sun & Moon’, NCT U’s ‘Coming Home’, and NCT Dream’s ‘Candle Light’. I badly need a full duet of Candle Light by HyuckIl, by the way.
> 
> The title ‘Mångata’ is a Swedish word that refers to the road-like reflection of the moon on the water. It's the long, wavy shape that appears across the water when the moon is shining on it. It is made up of the prefixes "Måne" meaning moon, and "gata" meaning street/road. For this reason, it is sometimes indirectly translated as "moon-path," "moon-river," "moon-track," or "moon-wake."


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